What the Characters of The Sopranos Would Drive in a 2023 Reboot

Original Car: 1995 Jaguar XJ6

A 2023 version of Dr. Melfi is absolutely going to be in on the EV revolution, and while she owns the XJ6 she is seen driving her son’s ‘90s Saab. It means she’s probably into some funky Swedish stuff. This is perfect for her, and I will take no further questions on the matter.

Original Car: 1995 Lincoln Town Car

Junior is an old man, and this is the perfect old man car. It’s a bit old, but he’s not really a person of change.

Original Car: 2002 Ford Thunderbird

Adriana would be all over the new Bronco, and ADM won’t be an issue. Christopher either knowns a guy at a Ford dealership, or he’ll go in there and make the salesperson a “strong offer.”

Original Car: 2000 Mercedes-Benz S500

Of course Johnny Sack would have an S-Class. I know it’s what he used to have, but the car just fits him so perfectly. I didn’t include his Maserati because he had it for such a short amount of time that it wasn’t worth it.

Original Car: 1984 Buick Riviera

Sal is a Caddy man through and through. He’s a great earner and has a very successful body shop. The only car we ever see Big Pussy drive is that ‘84 Riviera, but it was right after he was done being on the lam. His regular car was probably a lot nicer.

Original Car: 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee

Bobby loves the outdoors; it would make sense he’s a Jeep guy. Unfortunately, he doesn’t make quite enough to afford a Grand Wagoneer, so the regular truck will have to do.

Original Car: 1993 Lincoln Mark VIII

Ralphie is a Lincoln man through and though, but he’s been bitten by the crossover bug. I wonder what him and Janie will do with all that extra leg and headroom in the back seat.

Original Car: 2000 Cadillac DeVille DTS 

Furio also loves a Cadillac, but he’s got a whole lot of Italian flair. It means he needs a Cadillac with a little bit of spice. Not too much, though. He wouldn’t go for the Blackwing.

Original Car: 2001 Cadillac Eldorado

Paulie is all about comfort and so is the XTS. It’s the perfect car for him.

Original Car: 2004 Cadillac Seville SLS

Toward the end of the show’s run, Sil had a Yukon to sort of match Tony’s Escalade, and I think that trend continues in my newly recreated show.

Original Car: 1985 Chevrolet Caprice Estate

Artie is a poor wagon guy. This is the vehicle for him. He is going to end up needing a new taillight eventually. After all, he’s gonna smash a shotgun into it.

Original Car: 1997 Lexus LS400

No doubt in my mind that Chrissy sticks with Lexus as his first car on the show.

Original Car: 2002 Maserati Coupé

It was a long and difficult conversation in the Jalopnik Slack channel, but this is the 2023 analog of a 2002 Maserati Coupé.

Original Car: 2007 Cadillac Escalade EXT

Christopher is absolutely the car guy of the show, and that’s why he gets three slides. It’s only fair. Hopefully the Hummer’s stereo has more “balls” than his Escalade EXT’s.

Original Car: 2002 Nissan Xterra

A young A.J. loves an SUV, even if they’re killing the planet (his words). Getting a Wrangler would make a lot of sense, and it fits perfectly in a northern New Jersey high school parking lot.

Original Car: 2002 BMW M3

This one just makes sense to me.

Original Car: 1996 Ford Mustang GT

Meadow is absolutely going to get rid of her Mustang in favor of a Camaro. This is New Jersey, after all.

Original Car: 2007 Lexus IS250

Meadow’s inability to parallel park her IS250 is one of the tensest moments in in TV history. Hopefully the 360-degree camera in the RDX will help.

Original Cars: 2000 Mercedes-Benz E320T & 2005 Porsche Cayenne S

This car perfectly combines the two cars Carm had during the shows run. I also see them constantly when I’m in my home town, so it makes a whole lot of sense she would have one when driving to the Garden State Plaza mall.

Original Car: 1999 Chevrolet Suburban

I went back and forth a lot on whether Tony would have a Suburban or a Yukon XL, but after much deliberation I’ve come to this conclusion. Tony is a professional grade man, and a professional grade man needs a professional grade truck.

Original Car: 2002 Cadillac Escalade ESV

I know I know, this isn’t that creative of a choice, but there really isn’t any vehicle on earth more suited to Tony than the Escalade. It just is him. Now, Tony would specifically go for a top trip model, but not the Escalade-V. He doesn’t need that.

Let me know if you agree with my picks down below, and if you’ve got a better idea for a car choice, please keep it to yourself.

In case you missed it:

• Your Worst Gas Station Stories
• Every Generation of Porsche 911, Ranked
• Terrible Cars That Were a Waste of a Good Engine