Quick Question: Would You Wear A Car As Pants?

Illustration for article titled Quick Question: Would You Wear A Car As Pants?

Do you know what a tonneau cover is? Of course you do. But, just in case someone reading over your shoulder at this public internet computer at the public library doesn’t know, it’s a weatherproof fabric cover used to cover the open part of a roadster without the indignity of putting up the top. What I want to know is would you use a roadster with a tonneau cover in lieu of pants?

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Here’s the situation: for any reason you feel like imagining, you find yourself totally pantsless. Maybe they’re all in the wash, maybe you lost them all in a bet. Underwear, too.

Luckily, you also happen to have the keys to a small roadster. Feel free to imagine a Bugeye Sprite or an MGA or a Miata or a TR3 or whatever you want.

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You see the car right nearby, and it has a tonneau cover with a zipper. You could, in theory, partially unzip that cover, slide in, and, just have your head and shoulders peeking out of the cover, everything from your arms down enclosed within the car and under the tonneau.

Essentially, you’ll be wearing the car in place of your pants.

So, would you do this? Would you feel comfortable enough to run errands that don’t require you leaving the car, like going to the bank drive-through? Would you be comfortable enough to stop the car and chat with someone you see? Would you arrange a meeting you have to take in a parking lot so you can use your car-pants as a way to continue your daily life, even without the benefit of conventional pants?

I look forward to your answers. These will help our market research team immeasurably.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)

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DISCUSSION

Slave2anMG

I have an MG Midget (thus my handle). I use the tonneau and use it pretty much all the time. I used to have a tonneau that didn’t zip down the middle; instead it zipped over the driver’s headrest and not down the middle. Unzip it, unsnap it from the door (another custom touch) and drop the fabric down. Why this way? It shed water better; the center zip just sags in the middle and fills the interior with water, unless one has the rare-as-hen’s-teeth tonneau support bar. I don’t.

In any case, my custom tonneau would allow me to put the tonneau back in place with just my head sticking out...great on crazy cold but sunny mornings and if I got caught in a sudden downpour. Plus it really freaked people out :)