The GMC Hummer electric vehicle is a horrifying conundrum of a vehicle. What once used to represent sheer excess and gasoline waste will now come with an electrified powertrain and a lot of confusion about who is actually going to buy this thing. Apparently, the GMC Hummer EV’s buyers are Neiman Marcus shoppers.
Every year, Neiman Marcus releases a few holiday gift guides that I can only imagine are catered to some of the worst people in the world. And the so-called “Fantasy Gifts” usually represent a frankly obscene amount of monetary expenditure, and there’s usually at least one vehicle. This year, you can buy your loved one a $6,100,000 30.86-carat heart-shaped diamond ring that looks more like a piece of costume jewelry than something worth multi-millions — or, if subtlety is more your style, you can design your own dinnerware on a trip to Portugal for a mere $80,000.
You can also buy a horrifying Hummer.
Dewalt 20V Max Cordless Drill & Driver Kit
Comes equipped with an LED which goes on when the trigger is pulled. You’ll a clear view of whatever you are drilling or screwing with minimal shadows.
While you may balk at the $285,000 price tag (for a vehicle that starts just over $100,000), please do note that this isn’t just a vehicle. It’s an experience. Neiman Marcus has partnered with the Barrett-Jackson auction company to provide you with the kind of thrilling experiences I’m sure only disgustingly rich people dream about:
- You’ll receive your Hummer live on the Barrett-Jackson auction stage, so everyone is aware that you are extremely rich.
- You’ll get two VIP passes for the Barrett-Jackson Opening Night Gala, where you can flex on people who are less rich than you and did not receive VIP passes.
- You’ll also get two VIP tickets for Carolyn and Craig Jackson’s personal skybox at the 2022 Barrett-Jackson Scottsdale Auction so you can schmooze with the equally rich.
- You’ll get to drop the gavel at the auction, presumably with a reminder that you are the person who spent almost $300,000 on a Hummer.
- You’ll also get priority parking at your local Neiman Marcus store, so everyone who enters can see that you’re the rich person who bought a Hummer.
The most interesting part of that whole package is the fact that you’ll get a nice charging station installed in your home so you can keep your battery charged at all times. It also comes with the Extreme Off-Road package already installed.
Of course, Neiman Marcus simply wouldn’t deign to offer a plain old Hummer EV, now would it? No; instead, this interior is outfitted in perhaps the most horrifying way, with in-your-face red and white leather finishes alongside anodized metal accents that will have all your passengers saying, “Wow,” when they get in. Though probably not in a good way.
The real cherry on top of the whole deal, though, is the fact that you’ll have custom Neiman Marcus badging throughout the whole vehicle, so everyone who looks will know you went that extra mile to buy something that simply does not need to exist. Imagine taking a Hummer and somehow making it more obnoxious. It shouldn’t be possible, but here we are.
I just have one question, and I’m not sure who I want to answer it more, the ultimate buyers or the designer who put this monstrosity together: Who hurt you?