I suspect almost every loyal, sexy Jalopnik reader does this when they (sometimes reluctantly, usually with a lot of complicated explanations) valet their car: check the ticket to see if the little “show damage here” car is recognizable. Sometimes the car is identifiable, so let’s look at some of the more common ticket designs and see what we’ve got. It’s not like you have anything better to do, right?
First, let’s acknowledge the very common category of unidentifiable, smashed cars. These look like they’ve been stepped on like some colossal roach, and there’s not really been any attempt to model the flattened car after anything beyond a generic, 1980s or ‘90s American full-sized sedan.
Sometimes these feel like squashed Crown Vics. Maybe.
Next, let’s look at one that was sent to us by a reader named Elek:
That’s very clearly a Cadillac. It looks like an early ‘90s STS, maybe a 1993. I bet that’s when this ticket was designed, too.
Keeping with the Cadillac theme is this pretty common ticket, which uses what looks like a 2006-ish CTS? I think that’s what that is.
Moving a little downmarket, that appears to be a 2003 or so Honda Civic sedan. Again, I suspect the year of the car reflects the last time these tickets were updated.
This is another squashed-car one, but I like it because the car appears a bit older here, more like something mid-’60s or so. It could be a Volga, or a Volvo Amazon, maybe. Hell, it even looks a bit like a Trabant!
This one is tricky. Early 2000s Volvo? Maybe Audi?
Hey, another Cadillac! I think this is a 2010 or so STS. Cadillac seems to be the Valet Ticket Designer’s Choice, in case any Cadillac PR people are reading this and need some new promo copy.
Look at this old beauty! I’m pretty sure whatever car the artist here was half-looking at was a 1982 Oldsmobile Cutlass sedan. It’s not totally accurate, but based on the proportions, light shapes, and a few key lines, I think that’s it.
Definitely 1980s GM, regardless.
Say, this is an interesting one! First, it’s shaped like an old-school package tag, and it seems to use two different cars! That front view is clearly a Volvo, maybe a 2004ish S40? The two rear quarter-shot cars are trickier—it’s sort of like a 1992 Mitsubishi Galant rear fascia and taillights on an early ‘90s Acura Integra four-door body? Maybe? Justin thinks it’s a Pontiac 6000. I can kind of see that?
Anyone have a valet ticket handy? I bet there’s many more variations out there we can scrutinize. Dig in your pockets, snap a pic, and stick it in the comments!