It’s official, everybody: civilization is on hold. The COVID-19 virus has won, since it has forced the most important human cultural institution, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, to cease operations. For most of humanity, our best bet now is to place ourselves into comas until all this shit blows over. We’ll have a few volunteers checking on things, ready to wake us up when conditions are better, and keeping the Wienermobile fleet carefully maintained.
Here was the official notice from the Wienermobile’s twitter account:
Incredibly, it seems that the great Hot Dog Highway will be empty and forlorn. Whatever we do now, in this half-life sans Wienermobile, hardly matters. Until the Wienermobile is back on the road, spreading its message of hope, courage, and tube-shaped meats encased in a yeasty bread-folder, we’re all just killing time.
Sure, lots of events and gatherings and conventions have been cancelled by this cruel lipid-coated ball of RNA, but grounding the Wienermobile is something different. This is the moment that history will look back on and know that this is when shit became real.
May the Great Frankfurter have mercy on us all.