* NOT GUARANTEED

Are you sick of being broke all the time? Eating sandwiches with scraps of cardboard with the word “HAM” scrawled on them? I know I am. But I’m not here to complain; I’m here to solve problems and chew gum, and my debit card got declined when I tried to buy gum. So, here, my gift to you, 10 sure-fire get-rich automotive-related disruptive business ideas. You’re welcome.

1. A mobility company like what Bird is for scooters, but with Lincoln Continentals

It’s perfect! Just like Bird, you have an app that shows you where the nearest Lincoln is, most likely jammed on the sidewalk with half a dozen other Lincolns.

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You use the app to unlock it, then drive wherever, and, when you’re done, you just leave the Lincoln wherever you stopped! Road, sidewalk, in front of a building entrance, park, wherever! Who gives a shit?

It’s perfect! All the advantages of the scooter model but with weather protection and the ability to take six people!


2. Trunk BnB

Think Air BnB, but for your car’s trunk. Store things, catch a nap, have a very cramped sex party, whatever! Trunk lid’s the limit!

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3. Uber for Kidnappers

It’s like Uber, but with the difference that the person who’s to be picked up and dropped off somewhere is not consulted in the deal. It doesn’t have to be for illegal activity (think surprise parties, wakes) but it sure would be great for that!

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4. Something Something Flying Car Something

You see where I’m going here.

5. Air Travel with Stations

Okay, this isn’t exactly automotive, but it’s mobility/transport related. Instead of air travel being a point-to-point, ticket-and-destination based system, how about planes that fly in continuous routes and stop at stations, like a subway?

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This would work really well if you had access to really cheap jet fuel. And ignored security. But you people are smart, you’ll figure out the details!


6. Lyft for Parking Spaces

Okay, so you have a company like an Uber or Lyft, with paid drivers, but all they do is wait for you to ask them to go park somewhere to hold a spot for you.

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Send them to the stadium to snag a great spot two hours before the game, and when you arrive with minutes to spare, they just leave! It’s perfect! And possibly illegal? But who cares? We’re disrupting.


7. Like Blue Apron, But For Kit Cars

You know how Blue Apron delivers all the ingredients for a dinner and instructions right to your door? Well, take that model and apply it to kit cars.

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Every, say, four months, a huge-ass package arrives at your door, containing a fiberglass body and a shitload of parts so you can build a kit car on a standard old air-cooled VW chassis.

At the moment, an old VW chassis is still the easiest way to build a road-legal and registrable kit car with an actual VIN, so we’ll start there, but whoever starts this company should have some R&D folks looking into some more modern alternatives.


8. Tinder for Car Buying

Why should the buyer be the only one to have any say in who buys what car? What if you’re selling a car, but you’re picky about who gets to drive it, because, let’s face it, you know what you got.

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This solution would be great, because buyers would only be able to contact the sellers of cars if they both “matched.” Sellers could weed out time wasters, and buyers could avoid scams!

Also, if they decide to hook up, too, that’s their business.


9. Like Uber, but the cars are all painted a bright color, like yellow, and you can get one just by waving your arms at them as they pass by

Perfect for big, high-density cities, right? Why hasn’t anyone thought of this? Maybe these cars could have some sort of black-and-white box-grid racing flag pattern as a stripe on them as well, to aid visibility.

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10. Like cars, but on the internet and free

I haven’t worked out all the details on this one, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out and make a mint.

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There. No reason for any of you not to be filthy rich in the next six months. I look forward to your IPOs.