Five Things Nobody Over The Age Of 20 Should Have In Their Car

Illustration for article titled Five Things Nobody Over The Age Of 20 Should Have In Their Car

You're not a kid anymore, really. A car is no longer some novelty that you can barely believe you're allowed to use — it's a tool, it's a passion, it's your freedom — it's a big part of your life. That's why you should get rid of these five things, if, somehow, you still have them in your car.

1. A glowing, floating orb of fire that controls your every thought.

What part of "you're an adult now" do you not understand? Get rid of that floating sphere and live your own life!


2. A glowing, hovering sphere of blue energy that seizes control of your body.

You deserve better than this. It's your body, you should control it, not some stupid floating ball! Am I right, people?

3. A glowing, etherial sphere of white light that puts visions in your mind.

Um, hello? What's worse than not paying attention to driving because you're texting? Not paying attention to driving because you're watching visions of sexual hellscapes broadcast into your brain by a giant glowing orb! PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!


4. A glowing sphere of raw power that hovers and bobs, shooting rays of pain into your spine.

Ain't nobody got time for that kind of shit. Am I right?

5. Any sort of glowing, hovering orbs or spheres that control you or in any way inflict pain on you.

Seriously, friends. Grow up. Get rid of those stupid balls of energy!


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