Celebrate the Last Night of Hanukkah with Every 8-Seater Car You Can Buy

Celebrate the Last Night of Hanukkah with Every 8-Seater Car You Can Buy

Think about these crazy eight seaters as you light the final candle on your menorah

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Photo: Kia

Happy Hanukkah, everybody! It’s that’s special time of year when many of my people order Chinese food, watch a movie and ignore Goyam in their lives.

Of course, at sundown we light the menorah. And since tonight is the eighth night of the holiday, I couldn’t think of a better car-related way to celebrate it than by listing every eight seater you can currently buy. (Kanye, please look away).

Before you ask, yes I am Jewish. Just look at my last name. There was never a chance I wasn’t. Am I practicing? Take a guess. Do I also celebrate Christmas? Mind your business.

Anyway, let’s check out all of the eight seat vehicles you can buy today. We’ve got all types of vehicles on this list, and when all say “all types,” I really mean just SUVs and minivans, but that’s not important.

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Cadillac Escalade

Cadillac Escalade

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Photo: Cadillac

The Escalade is arguably the most luxurious choice on our list. It’s a car for when you’ve got six kids and a seven-figure salary. It also has a great big V8 engine that’ll add to the fun.

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Chevrolet Tahoe / Suburban

Chevrolet Tahoe / Suburban

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Photo: Chevrolet

Want an Escalade but not the fru-fru luxuries? This is the answer for you. The Tahoe and Suburban will do anything you need from them with room to spare. Plus, people will think you’re a cop so they’ll get out of your way.

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Chevrolet Traverse

Chevrolet Traverse

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Photo: Chevrolet

If you feel like those GM truck platform body-on-frame SUVs are a little big, but you still need a lot of room, you cannot go wrong with the Traverse. It’s also the only non-truck based GM vehicle you can get with eight seats. Damn you, Enclave.

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Ford Expedition

Ford Expedition

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Photo: Ford

Just how badly do you want to look like a cop, exactly?

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GMC Yukon / Yukon XL

GMC Yukon / Yukon XL

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Photo: GMC

Ah, the Yukon. The middle child of the GM truck-based SUVs. Some would say it’s the sweet spot. Perhaps I am one of those people. Just make sure you get it with extra chrome.

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Honda Odyssey

Honda Odyssey

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Photo: Honda

The Odyssey is probably the vehicle you should buy on this list. If you need seating for eight, you need a minivan. I know it’s tough to hear, but it’s the truth.

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Honda Pilot

Honda Pilot

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Photo: Honda

Want a less practical Odyssey? Buy a Honda Pilot.

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Hyundai Palisade

Hyundai Palisade

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Photo: Hyundai

We all know you couldn’t get your hands on a Kia Telluride. It’s okay, the Palisade is a very good consolation prize.

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Jeep Wagoneer / Grand Wagoneer / L

Jeep Wagoneer / Grand Wagoneer / L

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Photo: Jeep

Here’s the SUV for you if you find yourself yearning for a Pixar mom.

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Kia Carnival

Kia Carnival

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Photo: Kia

JUST BUY A MINIVAN. YOU NEED A MINIVAN IF YOU NEED SEATING FOR EIGHT. THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

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Kia Telluride

Kia Telluride

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Photo: Kia

The Telluride is a great vehicle; the only issue is the Kia Carnival is better for its intended purpose.

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Lincoln Navigator

Lincoln Navigator

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Photo: Lincoln

This is the vehicle you should buy if you want to recreate the 2005 box office smash hit Are We There Yet?

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Nissan Pathfinder

Nissan Pathfinder

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Photo: Nissan

Nissan made the Pathfinder look good. That rocks for Nissan. Keep it up, fellas.

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Subaru Ascent

Subaru Ascent

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Photo: Subaru

Remember WRX days gone by with your screaming children in the back of a Subaru Ascent.

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Toyota Highlander

Toyota Highlander

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Photo: Toyota

The best Uber vehicle you can get.

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Toyota Sequoia

Toyota Sequoia

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Photo: Toyota

It’s too bad about the Land Cruiser, isn’t it? The Sequoia is still cool, though, and in typical Toyota fashion, it has a USB-A port right in the middle of the dash.

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Toyota Sienna

Toyota Sienna

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Photo: Toyota

BUY A GODDAMN MINIVAN, JESUS H. CHRIST (good Jew).

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