Illustration for article titled BMW Is Probably Behind All The Tension With North Korea

There’s an awful lot of nuclear saber-rattling and dick-measuring going on right now between the United States and North Korea. A nuclear conflict between the two countries would do no one any good. Well, almost no one.

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Call this an unproven theory, call this the worst sort of conspiracy-theorizing, call it whatever you’d like, but, admit that you immediately considered this option: is BMW engineering this whole conflict to eliminate the tiny, shitty, North Korean vans and trucks that look a lot like tiny, shitty, BMW vans and trucks?

The vans and trucks are variations of the Pyeonghwa Paso 990. Pyeonghwa is one of the two automobile makers (and dealer networks) in North Korea, and was a joint venture between a South Korean company and Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church. You may have heard of them as the Moonies.

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Anyway, these little vans have front-end styling that uses kidney grilles just like BMW’s trademark grille. All of this is possibly BMW’s way of solving this problem.

Permanently.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)

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