After picking up my 1979 Jeep Cherokee Golden Eagle on Sunday (you’ll hear more about that later), I’ve now got eight aesthetically-challenged vehicles titled in my name. And yet, the readers keep sending me links to tempting shitboxes like the awesome hacked-up Ford F-350 in this picture.
As mechanical “questionable” as this 1985 Ford F-350 (which a reader named Brian sent me) appears, I bet it’s a hell of a lot of fun to drive off-road with its convertible (read: hacked off) top and lack of doors. The seller says it’s got a beefy Dana 50 Twin Traction Beam axle up front and a Dana 70 in the back, a four-speed manual with a granny gear, 38.5-inch mud tires and a 6.9-liter International diesel engine that “runs great with only 81,000 miles,” though it needs to have its fuel system cleaned to run without a bit of assistance.
The seller says they’ve been driving it as is for more than a year, and that it’s street legal, which—just looking at that photo—is amazing and thoroughly ‘Murica if you think about it. What’s equally amazing was the seller’s plans for this truck:
Bought this as a stock whole bodied truck and was removing the body to put a custom Willy’s Jeep tub on.
I don’t know how the seller was going to swap that little Willys tub onto that giant frame; perhaps they were just going to bolt it to the front, and keep the flatbed out back? That’d be strange, but also kind of awesome.
The Willys and the truck are for sale for $1,300 “cash or crypto” only. If you need some beefy axles and a decent-looking Willys body, this may be a decent deal. Especially if the seller throws that old trailer in, too.
Equally weird as that hacked-up truck is this sketchy van. There’s not a lot of info on the listing—sent to me by a Jalopnik reader named Joe—other than the fact that it’s a 1967 GMC van with a 307 cubic-inch V8 mated to an automatic, and that it doesn’t run (it does turn over, though!) and doesn’t have a title.
Clearly this van has been the recipient of some sort of lift kit/4x4 conversion/frame swap, and the paint job is pretty amazing, too. So is the lack of a rear door as well. The seller doesn’t mention any of these peculiarities in the listing, strangely.
Nor does the seller even mention the incredibly filthy interior, which seems to have a shifter behind the front seats (???). Is this a transfer case lever from the vehicle whose frame this van got bolted to? Also, what’s the deal with the crystal-looking thing on the left side on the table shown below? Does it unlock magical realms filled with other 4x4 lifted vans?
Also, what’s going on with these vents?:
Anyway, we’ll move on from this sketchy Kansas City-area van, and have a look at this sketchy San Francisco-area six-doored pickup:
Above is a 1973 Chevrolet 6-door truck for sale for five grand. That seems expensive for something that hideous, but then again, as Austin—who sent me this listing—tells me in his email: “...4 wheeling with 9 people could be economical.” He’s got a point, there: You can definitely save fuel by just shoving more people into a single truck.
This truck is clearly the right purchase for the environmentally-conscious among us.
Also for sale in California is the most ’90s car I’ve ever seen: a 1997 “Riot” prototype, which the seller says can be seen in episode 17.1 of Baywatch.
Apparently the car is titled, the exterior is in great shape and the motor is “there,” which is definitely better than being “not there.” The interior apparently “needs a refresh,” and the seller hasn’t heard the engine—which appears to come out of a VW Beetle—run.
The seller is asking $4,500 “firm” for the VW-based kit car; I imagine the buyer for this will be a very specific type of person: a Bay Watch superfan who’s also happens to be into obscure cars. Should sell quick.
Speaking of show business, apparently Patrick Swayze owned a 1988 Jeep Cherokee? That’s what’s for sale in the Craigslist posting that a reader named Kevin sent me.
The seller claims to have bought the Jeep from Swayze’s wife, who’s been selling Patrick’s personal belongings in auctions. The Cherokee listing includes a number of photos showing Patrick Swayze in the same image as a gray Jeep like the one shown above.
The XJ is for sale for $13,500, which is about 10 times what an automatic, late ’80s Cherokee in this condition should cost. It’d be a hard pass from me, even if the cloth seats are still saturated with sweat from a famous actor.
What wouldn’t be a hard pass is the “super clean” 1990 Jeep Comanche Sport truck in the photo above. A reader named Dave sent me this Annapolis, Maryland-area listing, and let me just say: if this inline-six, manual little MJ truck really looks like that single photo depicts, and it really only costs $900, then it’s the deal of the damn century, I need to call the owner right now.
Someone save that Comanche before a truck bro decides to turn it into what you see above: a hacked-up 1987 Comanche that’s been melded with a Jeep XJ Wagoneer.
Conor sent me this “Frankenstein,” and though it definitely doesn’t look “bad,” unless you’re someone who’s just looking for a purpose-built off-road truck, I’m not sure I’d drop three-large on someone’s home-brew project.
It’s an automatic (the trans came from a Cherokee) with a bed that’s been shortened six-inches, 35-inch BFG mud-terrains, a “fresh” transfer case, a 6.5-inch lift, and 4.56 gear front and rear. For the most part, it looks like a fairly capable rig, even it’s now far from a gorgeous original Comanche. Again, as a purpose-built off-road truck, this doesn’t seem bad. As anything else, I’d stay far away.
Finishing off this volume of Craigslist Shitboxes, a second-generation Honda civic hatchback for sale in Virginia right now, as a reader named Jeffery showed me via email. It’s only $800, and though it needs a fuel tank, fuel pump and tires—and it’s also got some rust issues—I’d be tempted on this one. It has a clean title, a four-speed manual, and the seller says it gets 40 MPG.
Would I spend $800 on this rough little 1980 hatchback? No. But as a Gambler 500 car, this thing would be a riot. I kind of want it; I also want that $800 Comanche. And that Willys body. And definitely that horrible lifted van with the wacky paint-job and no rear doors.
Thank god these things aren’t for sale near me.