On Saturday, the sleepy village of Credenhill in the United Kingdom was rocked to its core by a spate of shocking attacks. Vandals in the village used poultry as projectiles and meat as missiles as they wrought havoc on homes and cars across the region. But if you car is caught up in a meat attack like this, what’s the worst that could happen?
According to a report from the BBC, vandals left a raw chicken leg hanging from a car wheel, threw eggs at cars and houses, and stuffed the exhausted of another vehicle with lamb chops.
The West Mercia Police Force said the attack happened around 9:30pm on Saturday.
But what could actually happen to your car if you’re targeted by a “meat attack” like the ones happening in this quaint little village? Well, let’s break down each heinous crime and find out.
First up, the precariously placed poultry. If you wake up to find a chicken wing balanced on your wheel, you’re probably fine. In fact, if this damages your car in any way, that’s probably a sign you need to upgrade.
The eggs can be a little more challenging. Once it’s dried, raw egg is a nightmare to clean off, so the best thing to do is try and rinse it off with cold water before you reach that point.
If you’re unfortunate enough to awake to an egg-covered car, then you’ll have to take a different tact. The first thing to try is a good ol’ bucket of soap and water, just be careful not to scratch the paint while picking off bits of egg shell.
But if this doesn’t work, I found a Honda dealer in Colorado that has the answer.
It suggests using boiling water to treat any remaining eggy residue. Fill a bucket with boiling water and, while wearing protective gloves, damp a rag with the hot water and place it on the egg stains. Leave it there for 30 seconds and repeat the process until the egg can be easily picked off.
Now, the big one: the meat-filled muffler.
It’s actually quite an easy fix, just take the lamb chops out of the exhaust before you start your car.
But, what damage could a lamb chop to the tailpipe actually do?
Well, like any blockage to your muffler, a lamb chop in the exhaust isn’t a good thing to find. If you try to start the car, the exhaust gasses from the engine won’t be able to escape out the rear. This means there won’t be any space in the combustion chambers for fresh air to enter the engine, which will make the car stall.
Sure, the car might start up and run briefly, but eventually the lamb chop is going to stop you in your tracks.
There won’t be a dramatic moment when your car becomes a makeshift meat cannon, and you’re unlikely to be left with two perfectly cooked chops to serve up for dinner. But the misplaced meat is also unlikely to cause you any permanent damage and, once it’s removed from the muffler, your car should start just fine.
So, there are a few bits of handy Jalopnik advice on what to do if you’re the victim of a “meat attack,” stay safe out there.