How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists

We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great obscene wad of… » 4/12/14 4:03pm 4/12/14 4:03pm

How To Make Linguine With Clams And Bid Farewell To This Goddamn Winter

Groundhog meteorologists notwithstanding, seasons are shapeless, poorly defined things. To wit: Traditionally, in North America, the "winter" season is regarded as beginning at some point in the back half of December (the solstice) and extending into the back half of the following March (the equinox)—and yet, somehow,… » 3/15/14 3:28pm 3/15/14 3:28pm

How To Properly Tow A U-Haul Trailer

If you occasionally need to move a ton of small things (or just one very large thing) there are numerous companies who will rent you a trailer. But how can you make sure you won't screw up? I went to U-Haul's test facility in Arizona to learn both the right and wrong way to tow a U-small trailer. » 2/10/14 3:51pm 2/10/14 3:51pm

How To Eat The Raw Oyster, Goodness In Its Pure Form

No one has moderate feelings toward the raw oyster (except perhaps for the terminally indifferent, may they ride the Meh Bus straight to hell): Either you ohmigod love love loooooove them, or you think they are gross little brine-loogies and have bad taste in things. » 12/28/13 2:06pm 12/28/13 2:06pm

How To Make A Ragù, Which Has Nothing To Do With Jars

By now you're likely well aware that the word ragù—although perhaps most frequently encountered with its accent symbol flipped over, emblazoned across ten thousand jars of tomato products in your local supermarket—has its own non-commercial definition, other than "bad-tasting Italian-themed ketchup." » 12/21/13 4:19pm 12/21/13 4:19pm

How To Deep Fry A Turkey With An Engine Hoist

It's Thanksgiving, which means it's time to dust off our classic and definitive guide to using an engine hoist to safely deep fry a turkey so you don't end up like these people. As always, consult all relevant safety advice and send us a photo if you use your hoist to make a tasty bird. » 11/28/13 10:00am 11/28/13 10:00am

How To Make Home Fries, The Breakfast Of Sluggards

The basic idea is that breakfast is supposed to supply your wretched, dead-eyed carcass with enough chemical energy to work itself up into a state vaguely similar to the authentic vitality of the functional, well-adjusted people edging away from you in half-concealed disgust on the bus. This is why we are instructed to … » 11/10/13 10:51am 11/10/13 10:51am

What To Do When Your Electric Car Catches On Fire: An Explainer

Electric cars, whether you want to believe it or not, are becoming a "thing." While they still look and drive like cars, there are certain key differences when they get into a fiery accident. This is what you need to do if that car fire happens. » 10/28/13 3:15pm 10/28/13 3:15pm

Screw Your Pumpkin Flavors: How To Make Apple Crumble

Fun fact! Careful examination of the historical record reveals that, whatever the goddamn Starbucks menu may suggest to the contrary, the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs between Sept. 15 and Dec. 20 is not a capital crime. Whether the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs in that time period is… » 10/27/13 10:41am 10/27/13 10:41am

Before Buying A Car, Accept That All You Think You Know Is Wrong

Diesels are bad for the environment. The Prius is good for the environment. Bigger is safer. American cars are junk. As someone who constantly gives advice to people who want insight before they buy a new vehicle it's amazing how stunningly wrong people are about the state of modern cars. Correct your assumptions or… » 10/23/13 1:30pm 10/23/13 1:30pm

How To Make Mashed Cauliflower, Because It Goddamn Tastes Great

The first thing to do is clear up any misconceptions that the reason to make mashed cauliflower, and not mashed potatoes, is that mashed cauliflower is the more calorically or nutritionally upstanding choice. If that is what you are thinking, stop thinking that, because that is stupid. You're stupid. » 10/12/13 2:21pm 10/12/13 2:21pm

How To Make A Lasagna And Prepare For Hibernation

Time was, as summer rounded into autumn, you kept an eye out for that first cool, dry weekend after the leaves started to turn, when the air remained genuinely chilly in the shade all day long, and then you tilted back your floppy coppola hat, hooked your thumbs into your suspenders, gazed thoughtfully into the middle… » 10/06/13 12:45pm 10/06/13 12:45pm