Formula One fans were abuzz this morning with rumors that Kimi Räikkönen lost his passport. Oh my gosh! Will Kimi miss Free Practice 1? Given the speed at which another one appeared in his hand, we're guessing he just got stuck on a later flight than his teammate. What could be the hold-up? Let's take a look.
Did Kimi really lose his passport? This is the most popular theory as to why he wasn't on Chinese soil on Thursday morning. The most commonly retweeted version of this rumor appears to be a screenshot of a Tumblr post:
Tumblr might be ON IT when it comes to [making stuff up about] the Biebs, but I'm not so sure it's a credible source when it comes to [making stuff up about] Formula One.
Myth plausible, but Kimi sure did appear in with a passport shortly afterwards, not to mention in Shanghai.
Uh, guys, what's that in his hand? I'm not sure you can overnight
parts passports from Finland that quickly. That's definitely a passport.
Maybe he just didn't have his stuff together? Like, all of his stuff? It happens. To be honest, though, I'm not sure I'd want to pack much more than a carry-on if I did that much traveling unless I absolutely had to. Could this be the counter he's talking to? I have no idea. My turn to speculate. None of the rumors have brought this up, but a missing bag is totally a reasonable reason to get delayed. Maybe one of his didn't make it to Malaysia and he had to stick around to glare over an airline counter. Who knows?
You know what's worse than missing luggage? Missing items that are reasonably expected for you to bring. Case in point: pants.
Missing pants would absolutely keep me from missing a flight. There are a million places for pants to go missing in Malaysia. This could be a real thing that happened. Kimi has an epic night of partying like the Iceman, only to wake up with no pants, no extra pants, and no idea where any of his pants could have gone.
Look at the voracity with which the Asian Twitter army stalks this guy, too. Could one of them have stolen his pants? Will they let you through an airport without pants? I don't think they will.
A Busted, Stolen McLaren That Only Does 88 MPH
Man, if there's one thing I hate, it's finding out that your time machine doesn't work, especially after you go all the way to steal it from McLaren.
McLaren released a Back to the Future parody ahead of this season, but now that video has been set to private. But why? Did Kimi steal the car and expect to use it to teleport past throngs of fans to get to Shanghai?
Probably not, but whatever. If it did, it totally backfired and spat Kimi out into the future in Malaysia instead.
And, uh, where did the video go, McLaren? C'monnnnnn. Put that sucker back up for posterity.
Water Bottle Full Of Vodka
Do we believe for a second that the water bottle in Kimi's hand is full of water? Noooooope. Flying sucks and Kimi probably knows it, so it's entirely plausible that he'd look to come prepared.
This must be the delay: source vodka, insert into water bottle, and roll through the airport like a deviant ninth grader who just discovered your dad's cabinet full of clear spirits.
That. That's the delay. I've solved the mystery. You may all now resume taking a nap to stay up for this weekend's race action.
If there's one thing you can't do without when you go to China, it's a giant sneedledorf. I see a passport in those photos of Kimi rolling through the airport, but do you see a sneedledorf, giant or otherwise? Nope!
It's totally the missing sneedledorf, guys. That's the cause of the delay.
Tickets For An Earlier Flight
Nah, too simple. Makes too much sense.
If there's one thing I'd want to find before getting on a plane, it's a bathroom. Plane toilets suck.
Look, it wouldn't be the first time Kimi's missed something for a number two. I'm just sayin'. This is the most plausible theory of them all.
Either way, Kimi somehow made it to Shanghai now. He's pretty confident about Ferrari's chances after Sebastian Vettel's win last week.
"It's a different place but the car's been working well in every place," Räikkönen said to Sky Sports. "So I don't see why it shouldn't be good here."
Ferrari isn't resting after their win, either. They're continuing to improve the car.
"There is still a lot of work to do to be absolutely happy with all the things, but that's why we're here," Räikkönen told Sky Sports. "As long as we keep working the same way that we've been doing so far we'll get there."
We're glad to see it. Someone has to stick it to
The Man Mercedes, and it might as well be Ferrari. Obviously, Ferrari's chances are better now that we're all 100% certain Kimi isn't stuck in Malaysia.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.