It's hard to know how to talk to a cop, especially when you're late for that flight/wedding/anger management meeting. Thankfully, Jalopnik readers have ten things you can remember to never say to the cop who's pulling you over.
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10.) "Where were you hiding?"
Suggested By: owen-magnetic
Why it's ill-advised: It turns out, this line makes police officers somewhat adversarial, since you just implied their job involves hiding out like ninjas, or the bad guys in a cowboys and indians movie.
Photo Credit: Peter Hindmarsh
9.) "Do you know who I am?"
Suggested By: Vlan1
Why it's ill-advised: This rule also applies to "Don't you know who my father is?" "I know so-and-so, and he's a cop."
Even if the cop pulling you over does indeed know who your relative is, or that you're going to see a retired highway patrolman, it really doesn't matter. You're getting a ticket anyway and now you sound like a prick.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
8.) "I pay your salary."
Suggested By: SennaMP4
Why it's ill-advised: While it is true that police officers are citizens like the rest of us and are public officials paid by our tax dollars, that doesn't mean they're your personal servants. In fact, attempting to pull rank on a cop will only make you look like a toolbag.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
7.) "I can't shut it off, I won't be able to get it started again."
Suggested By: Jstas
Why it's ill-advised: If you're driving a beat up old car that needs to keep running, even if you're on your way to get a new starter motor, you will find little sympathy from a cop. You will still have to turn your car off.
Photo Credit: Eston Bond
6.) "Well, I guess I must have been speeding, how fast was I going?"
Suggested By: tegulizard13_
Why it's ill-advised: Playing dumb will not get you out of a ticket. If you honestly have no idea how fast you were going, still don't ask the police officer. It's just baiting a stricter "lesson" in the form of a bigger ticket.
Photo Credit: Emad Ghazipura
5.) "I have no identification, but my name is ___."
Suggested By: cesariojpn
Why it's ill-advised: Just because you don't hand over your driver's license doesn't mean the cop will just let you go, or that they will accept a false name (as one man gives at 0:58 in the video). In addition, it is illegal to provide false information to a police officer like this.
4.) "I was just in a hurry."
Suggested By: teampenske3
Why it's ill-advised: It turns out that the cop who pulled you over doesn't really care about your extremely important 10:15 meeting that you're fifteen minutes late for.
Photo Credit: Michael Galpert
3.) "I don't know, like a million?"
Suggested By: iammonsterface
Why it's ill-advised: Do not answer the question, "Do you know how fast you were going" with this answer. In fact, never respond to a police officer with sarcasm. It does not end well.
Photo Credit: Chris Michaels
2.) "Why'd you pull me over and not the guy ahead of me going just as fast?"
Suggested By: sbdude
Why it's ill-advised: Police officers can't catch every speeder. Just because the three other cars that were speeding in a pack with you didn't get pulled over, doesn't mean you get to go off free.
Photo Credit: Matthew C. Wright"
1.) Any argument
Suggested By: DSC Off
Why it's ill-advised: The best policy when dealing with a police officer is to remain calm, agree, take your ticket, and move on with your life. Any argument, calm or otherwise, to prove that you weren't breaking the law is not going to work.
At best you will waste everyone's time, at worst you'll piss off the cop and end up getting your car searched for drugs.
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