Is your car equipped with any of these ten commenter chosen played-out car modifications? If so, you should lose it now — or prepare to suffer the self-righteous (yet very much spot-on... in this case) wrath of the internet.
This is Answers of the Day — a feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
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Base Photo Credit: FarOutInc
10.) Calvin Peeing
Suggested By: OOglebooze
Era: 1989-1995
Why It's So Dated: Not only are the "Urinating Calvin" stickers tasteless and crude, they're counterfeit. Bill Waterson, creator of Calvin & Hobbes, once said that he "clearly miscalculated how popular it would be to show Calvin urinating on a Ford logo." While there are still a few of these hoodlums driving around with their junk out, the trend has mostly died out.
Photo credit: Stefan Rules
9.) Rear Window Louvers
Suggested By: underachieva
Era: 1971 - Present
Why It's So Dated: A mainstay of the JC Whitney catalog for decades, the window louver once looked cool. When seen on the rear windows of Mach 1 Mustangs, DeLoreans, or Toyota AE86s, the louver is a welcome addition. When it's on the back of your Honda Civic or Chevy Cavalier, it is not.
8.) Scissor Doors
Suggested By: heltoupee
Era: 2001 - 2003
Why It's So Dated: Though scissor doors first appeared on an Alfa Romeo concept car in 1968, their widespread infestation of non-Italian supercars really took off after their inclusion in 2001's The Fast And The Furious. All of a sudden, your Eclipse wasn't cool unless it had wings for doors. I got news for you, Eclipse owner. It's still not cool.
Photo credit: Car Domain
7.) Color-Tinted Windows
Suggested By: Super Traction Engine
Era: 1998-2001
Why It's So Dated: The only place for color-tinted windows is on a Hot Wheels car. These are just straight up unsafe. Heavily tinted windows are bad enough, limiting outward visibility and making your car look many times sketchier than it needs to be. But when you add color to the mix, you change the way the world outside your windshield looks, and that's not safe for anyone. Also, you look like an idiot.
Photo credit: Honda-Tech.com
6.) Spinners
Suggested By: IV
Era: 2000-2007
Why It's So Dated: Featured prominently in Three 6 Mafia's 2003 smash hit "Ridin' Spinners" (which topped out at 62 on the Billboard R&B Chart that year), these wheels-within-wheels were the in thing for a good long time. Which was a shame, because they looked silly. Did people really want their cars to look like they're wafting along in the breeze? I guess so, because for years after the song came out, they were all over. Thankfully, they seem to have spun off into the sunset.
Photo credit: Youtube
5.) Trailer Hitch Doodads
Suggested By: KAR120C
Era: 1992 - 2004
Why It's So Dated: From tiny propellers to light-up skulls, these things just look ridiculous. Covering your trailer hitch when not in use is a good idea. It keeps it from rusting or otherwise getting damaged. Covering it with a toy deer that lights up, not so much. Sickeningly, this mod is still in fairly widespread use with the introduction of Truck Nutz. You've been warned.
4.) Day-Glo Vinyl Stripes
Suggested By: snap_understeer_ftw
Era: 1986-1994
Why It's So Dated: Seen on many Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars of the era, (I've got a Testarossa with a black and pink stripe) this is one mod that screams "I bought this when Miami Vice was still on the air!" And unlike similar vinyl graphics, these don't add any horsepower.
3.) Whistler Exhaust Tips
Suggested By: 87CapriceEstate
Era: 2002
Why It's So Dated: Thankfully, for the sanity of everyone involved, this one seems to have burned out very rapidly. This is just about the most annoying thing you can do to your car. Springing up in the Oakland area in 2002, by 2003 local police were handing out noise violation tickets, and by 2004 a law went on the books banning them from city streets. Let's hear it for local government!
Photo credit: Youtube
2.) Aftermarket High-Mount Brake Light
Suggested By: Tanshanomi
Era: 1986
Why It's So Dated: When the Center High Mounted Brake Light became a required feature by law for the 1986 model year, these started popping up for those folks that wanted to make it look like they had a fresh ride. As fewer and fewer pre-1986 cars are on the road, fewer aftermarket brake lights can be spotted in the wild.
1.) Shag Carpet
Suggested By: Jagvar
Era: 1975-1986
Why It's So Dated: If you've got an old-school van with a wizard or tiger airbrushed on the side, you are allowed to have shag carpet in the back. Otherwise, you need to get a trim. By now, it probably smells, is stained all over the place, and has crumbs from the last 20 years of road snacks embedded deep in its fibers. Nobody wants that. No body wants to get in a car like that, either.
Photo credit: Guzer.com