The Mustard Gas Rally

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

Let's have a rally where every car has to be yellow. It can be painted with tempura, covered in Post-Its held down by wheat paste or colored with a hi-liter, if that's the way you want to roll. It can be a B210 or an F430. It just has to be yellow. And along the way, you will have to accomplish various feats involving mustard. For example, during the Beverly Hills stage, pulling up alongside a Roller and videotaping one of the car's occupants asking, "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" Or hitting Dodger Stadium during a game and attempting, by any means necessary, to score a hot-dog-stand bottle of the condiment.

A drive-by shooting stage where a navigator armed with a Super Soaker filled with diluted French's is required to hit a target while the driver maintains a steady 30 mph. And for the finale? Laps around the Streets of Willow followed by a debate with officials from the Heinz marketing department as to whether mustard or ketchup is the best solo addition to a meal. And then a follow-up, winner-take-all debate among the top three with Donald Rumsfeld as to which is the best chemical weapon to be used in the event of an invasion by Satan's minons.

24 Heures du Jambon [Internal]

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When I lived in Oakland. There was a Yellow Car parade. Someone went around the neighborhood and put flyers on the windows of all the yellow cars and made posters for the shop windows and the laundry mat.

And that was a calling for all the yellow cars. They had a pretty good turnout.

But a rally, that's taking the whole "yellow thing" thing to another level.

But what — no mention of Valerie Plame and Nigerian Yellow Cake?