Masturbating Spark Plug Guy Drops Out Of State House Race

Sad news for Michigan's "cranking" enthusiasts: A man running for the state legislature has dropped out after reports of his felonious masturbating escapades surfaced.


24-year-old Jordan Haskins of Saginaw was running as a Republican to fill a seat in the state House in November. It wasn't long before his rap sheet came into play, which included several charges of breaking into gated lots and masturbating while cranking the engine after ripping out the spark plugs.

Haskins announced he was bowing out on his Facebook page this morning:

Recently some events about my past have been revealed. In my interviews with the media on those events, I was open, honest and transparent. Apparently, there are some who are using my past to attack solid candidates who I consider my friends. To them I apologize. Effective immediately, I am no longer seeking the 95th District House seat. I do this, not because I no linger think Saginaw needs a constitutional conservative candidate, but out of deference to those candidates I would consider my friends. To those who have supported my campaign, I say thank you and God bless you.


MLive reports that despite Haskins' past, he had received support from area Republicans. "I've know Jordan for several months," another GOP candidate told the news site. "The stories regarding his past are sensational, but he's readily admitted that he's made mistakes in his life, has been tried, convicted, and incarcerated by society, and has paid his debt.

Still, when polled by MLive about having Haskins in the House, a majority of readers voted no.

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