Illustration for article titled Tesla Announces Plans For Workers To Build Cars At Home Due To Coronavirus Concerns

Not to be outdone by the Big Three that announced comprehensive work-from-home plans for their employees, Tesla announced today a similar set of plans, but also ones that went much further, permitting workers to build Tesla cars in their own homes. The idea was said to have come directly from Elon Musk, according to Musk’s personal secretary Cassandra Clearlyfakeperson.

Tesla PR representative Eugene McNotreal provided Jalopnik with a copy of the instructions given to employees, which is both entirely fictional and contains some highly progressive mandates for keeping operations going during the COVID-19 threat:

“Employees that have large-scale metal stamping presses at their homes will be asked to take home several rolls of sheet aluminum so that they may stamp hoods and doors,”

“Workers with backyard forges may be asked to order steel ingots from suppliers to cast into suspension arms and motor mounting assemblies,”

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The document goes on to provide download links to CAD files and other engineering documentation. Virtual rooms in the online messaging system Slack have been established for employees to co-ordinate assembly work, and provide a way for employees to coordinate sending partially-completed cars to other employees homes to continue work.

Tesla has a special email address set up so when a worker finishes a car, they can request the car be picked up from their home and taken to other employee’s homes for quality control and testing.

Fictional Tesla spokespeople pointed to Tesla’s extensive experience building cars in tents as proof that they’re more than prepared to let workers handle putting together Model 3s, Ses, and Xes in their living rooms and backyards.

(Hey lawyers: This isn’t real. We’re kidding. Just having fun! Satire. A chuckle! Take it easy, okay?)

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)

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