Julian Assange is stuck in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London and the UK won't let him leave. He needs to race to the airport and Jalopnik readers know just what cars are perfect for the job.
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Photo Credit: Jay Kleeman
10.) Ford Focus
Suggested By: Pvt. Church is now LordPandemonium
Why it's chase-proof: Given Assange's high international profile, the Brits will be expecting him to roll in something luxurious and flashy. Nobody will be expecting a plain Ford Focus to carry him out.
Photo Credit: kenjonbro
9.) Armored Audi A8L
Suggested By: 404 Name not found
Why it's chase-proof: Of course, if the London police figure out that Assange is in a Ford Focus, they can stop him easily. Assange should roll in the security vehicle of choice for Israeli heads of state, a six-thousand-pound armored Audi.
When it comes to security, trust the Israelis; those dudes don't fuck around.
Photo Credit: Audi
8.) Surface-To-Air-Recovery-System (STARS)
Suggested By: ccyl
Why it's chase-proof: Of course, Assange could skip ground transport altogether. He'd just have to stand himself on top of the embassy harnessed up to a floating balloon and a catcher plane would pick him up and whisk him off to international waters.
It's called STARS and it worked for James Bond and for the CIA for 17 years of operation. It could work for Assange, too.
7.) Lamborghini Aventador in a plane
Suggested By: ClayW
Why it's chase-proof: The problem with STARS (other than it killed a guy once) is that it's too obvious. Assange should really sneak out of the country by air. For this, he should hide in an Aventador packed in a plane.
Even we have no clue where he'd stash himself, other than under a dummy engine cover. Still, inside a Lambo is the last place anyone would look.
Photo Credit: Jalopnik
6.) BMW Police Car
Suggested By: cesariojpn
Why it's chase-proof: The key element here is confusion. Roll up in a police-branded BMW 5-series, like the London police already use, and claim Assange has been granted safe release. Get the guy into the car, look official, and speed off before anyone knows what's happened.
Photo Credit: Luke Roberts
5.) BMC Mini
Suggested By: Demon-Xanth, CKeffer
Why it's chase-proof: It's possible the Brits won't believe any story you tell them about getting Assange out of the embassy, so you'll just have to drive him out. For this you'll need something nimble, fast, and small enough to cram through London's tightest shortcuts.
An original Mini will do the job. Just Italian Job that shit. If you're worried about getting outrun, get one with a Honda engine swap (or even all-wheel-drive). You'll be flying down staircases past the rozzers in no time.
Photo Credit: The Italian Job/IMCDB
4.) White Van
Suggested By: reverberocket.nipping the apex..and gently blowing in its ear
Why it's chase-proof: For you soulless over-thinkers who prefer a more delicate diplomatic touch than a crash-bang-boom car chase, we would recommend sneaking Assange out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in the most anonymous, ubiquitous vehicle in London: the white van.
Classic spy movie clean-up crew disguises, out the back door, into the van. Take the service entrance at the airport to a private plane, done.
Photo Credit: Alex Pink
3.) Marauder
Suggested By: g.nelson18
Why it's chase-proof: What if every way out of the Ecuadorian Embassy is blocked off? All you would need is a Marauder. It's bullet-proof, bomb-proof, and thanks to enough suspension travel to drive over other cars, roadblock-proof. Walls will also not be a problem.
Photo Credit: Top Gear
2.) Koenigsegg Agera
Suggested By: Dr_Watson
Why it's chase-proof: The Marauder would certainly be effective, but it's lacking in poetry and grace. It is far more fitting of an international escape to use speed, and there are few cars faster than a 960 horsepower Koenigsegg Agera. The K'segg also gives a nice two-fingered salute to its home country, Sweden.
Photo Credit: Ben_in_London
1.) Invisible Mercedes A-Class
Suggested By: Smiley Massacre
Why it's chase-proof: Assange has been holed up in London because he knows just as well as we do that if he is seen leaving the Ecuadorian Embassy in any way, he's screwed. That's why he needs to get out without ever being seen.
Just get him an invisible A-class, covered in cameras and LEDs to make it seem like you're looking straight through the car. It wouldn't be the easiest escape out of London and it certainly wouldn't be the fastest, but it would be the ballsiest.