Ten cars for bullies

Whether their car is to compensate for lack of parental love or just to aid in terrorizing the local kids, bullies are notorious for driving obnoxious vehicles. Here are the ten most brutish bully cars, as selected by Jalopnik readers.


Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our Jalopnik summer feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

10.) C4 Corvette

Suggested By: The Friendly Hoon

Why It's Mean: Any kid behind the wheel of a Corvette, especially one they didn't buy on their own, before they're out of high school is sure to be a jerk. So when this same kid starts showing up to class with smuggled vodka and begins cheating on the high school golf team, you know he's only got so much time before he really screws something up. You couldn't have started him off in a base Camaro, Dad?


9.) Range Rover

Suggested By: Jagvar

Why It's Mean: Before every kid could beg dad for a Cadillac Escalade EXT, the Rover was the best way for a bully to lord his wealth over the pimpled masses while still maintaining a vehicle capable of knocking into objects with relative impunity.


Photo credit: Cardomain


8.) Hyundai Tiburon

Suggested By: unhcampus

Why It's Mean: Unhcampus brings up a good point: Tiburons are cheap and have a large aftermarket catalog of parts available. That makes them a canvas for jerks to modify and terrorize nice kids with. Their need to prove their superiority by ruining a perfectly average Tiburon is just as unfortunate as their need to put a massive stereo inside it and shake it to death.


7.) Mitsubishi Eclipse

Suggested By: LyleLanley

Why It's Mean: I don't know what it is about the Eclipse that draws jerks of all kinds to it like date rapists to a Dave Matthews Band concert. Whether they're of the Fast & Furious set or just your average run-of-the-mill bully, it seems like the kids with the inner turmoil get some sort of solace from the Eclipse. A solace that encourages them to harass anyone else on the road.


Photo credit: CarPictures


6.) Jeep Wrangler

Suggested By: JackTrade

Why It's Mean: JackTrade brings up a breed of bully that I'm not familiar with:

"Cultural bullies... they hang with the in-crowd, but unlike the actual in-crowd that refuses to even acknowledge you, the cultural bully makes sure to occasionally engage the lesser types, just so you can know he/she is superior. They're usually not out-and-out jerks, so you think (in that awesome brain-addled high school logic) that you should want to be around them."


Then, they refuse to acknowledge you, playing further games with your mind. Apparently, these people drive Jeeps.


5.) 1994 Mustang

Suggested By: Potbelly Joe

Why It's Mean: The kids at Potbelly Joe's high school had a hard time keeping the shiny side up. While engaging in illicit underground bully street racing leagues, these kids would blow through three Mustangs and four GMC Jimmys before graduation. The Mustang owner's dad owned a dealership though, so the spoiled brat could go and pluck another pony off the lot every time. Meanwhile, Joe sat back and mourned the loss of so many innocent 'Stangs.


4.) TVR Sagaris

Suggested By: moefosho

Why It's Mean: What? I don't even know what to say. Regardless of how big a jerk the kid is, Mom and Dad shouldn't be actively trying to kill him. Giving a 17-year-old a TVR (especially thatTVR) is basically saying to him "Look, if you're not wrapped around a tree and on fire by dinner, we're going to be really disappointed." Moefosho tries to couch his ridiculous tale by saying the kid was a really good driver for a 17-year-old, his dad had a bunch of other supercars, yadda yadda yadda. There's just no way this should have been allowed. Period. (And can you imagine all the girls this kid must have gotten?! It's just ridiculous.) No wonder the kid took his aggression out on everyone else. It's that or in the car, which would have resulted in his death.


3.) IROC Camaro

Suggested By: Kenny Starr

Why It's Mean: Well, any car with "I Rock" in its name is certainly fit for a bully, right? Whether on the silver screen or giving you a swirly in real life, it often seems like bullies are behind the wheel of a Camaro as they speed off to reenact wrestling moves in their backyard with their friends, leaving your head dripping and disoriented in the school bathroom.


Photo Credit: GM High Tech Performance


2.) Lifted Pickup Trucks

Suggested By: Ravey Mayvey Slurpee

Why It's Mean: A common theme here today seems to be bullies and their need to compensate through their cars. And what better car to scream "I am actually inadequate!" than a lifted pickup. Most of them never saw any sort of off road action, but they all probably saw some in-cabin action, most likely with your girlfriend. The rest of the time, they'd be parked outside school during lunch, blasting some horrible speed metal while their owner laughed about giving little Timmy a wedgie earlier.


Photo credit: CarDomain


1.) 1992 Mustang

Suggested By: Jstas

Why It's Mean: We read his story in yesterday's COTD, but it bears repeating here because it's just that good. Jstas' tale is one of an underdog, standing up to the obnoxious bully, and winning. School administrators should tell it at anti-bullying workshops to inspire confidence and a greater feeling of self-worth amongst students. Jstas took his bully to the track, dug in, and won on his own terms. He left his foe embarrassed and defeated, and probably made the world a slightly better place for the rest of the kid's targets at school. It's just a shame about your deadbeat friend...


Photo credit: AllFordMustangs.com

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