I know my life as a Jalopnik writer looks pretty glamorous, what with trips to Detroit and getting ignored by some of the biggest names in motoring, but there's actually a lot of humiliation. Like this list of story ideas our Editor-In-Jerk rejected, and then made me write in mustard on my desk. Here they are:

1. What The Way You Drive Your Car Right The Fuck Into A Pole Says About You

2. How You Slam Your Fingers In Your Car Door Can Predict How You'll Drive

3. What The Thing Flying Through Your Windshield Says About Your Driving Style

4. What Does Expensive Diesel Mean For People Who Want Diesel-Fresh Breath?

5. Report: Elon Musk Probably Wants To Marry An Autonomous Tesla, I Bet

6. Can Run-Flat Tire Tech Be Used To Create Drive-Empty Gas Tanks?

7. Biting Hard Into Your Steering Wheel: Why It Feels So Damn Good

8. Is Vacuum-Cleaner Company Dyson Planning A Return To Racing For The First Time?

9. 2015 Cars Should All Be Painted The Same Color: The Reasons Why

10. When Am I Getting My $12,000 Maybach I Ordered From That Website?