Supergenius Arrested While Attempting To Repair Flat Tire With Band-Aids

Illustration for article titled Supergenius Arrested While Attempting To Repair Flat Tire With Band-Aids

Okay, I get it. I see how it works. Apparently, in our current police state, it’s illegal to try and fix the tires on your own car with the crap you find in a forgotten office first aid kit. Well, maybe not illegal, but it is pretty stupid, and the part about being under the influence of drugs while driving, that part’s illegal. A Mercedes driver in Mission Viejo, California learned all this, empirically.


The 26-year-old was spotted by a passer-by around 6 a.m. this morning, where the mid-2000s Mercedes-Benz M-class was parked on the side of the road. By the car, surrounded by a lot of small, fussy wrappers, was the driver, who was attempting to repair two severely damaged tires with gauze and band-aids.

It’s not clear if the driver warned approaching police by saying “OFFICERS, WE’RE LOSING THEM! LET ME WORK!” and then proceeded to attempt to give the tires CPR, but what is clear is that you can’t staunch tires bleeding air with gauze, partially because air doesn’t clot, and partially because what kind of idiot are you?

I do like that it appears gauze has been packed into that sizable tire-wound there. What I’d really like to know is if the driver already had the medical supplies with him, or if he specifically went out to purchase them to try and repair the tire.

The man was eventually arrested by Mission Viejo Police on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, though it’s possible police did that just to be nice, so the guy could have a reasonable explanation of why he’s such an idiot.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!:


Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire