Police Are Telling Motorists Not to Stop and Eat Chicken Tenders Spilled on Highway But They Have to Say That

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Yesterday, an 18-wheeler truck jam-packed full of crispy, delicious chicken tenders crashed on Alabama highway 35 near Centre, Alabama, scattering chicken tenders all over the highway. Passing motorists have been stopping to partake of the tasty bounty, but Cherokee County police have been asking people to stop, suggesting they’re causing a traffic hazard. Bullshit. We know what’s up. They want all that golden, crunchy chicken for themselves!

Here’s what the Cherokee County Emergency Management Agency posted on their Facebook feed:


Sure, they say the thawing, cases of chicken tenders that have been strewn across the road are unsafe to eat after sitting on the ground for over 24 hours, but of course they have to say that! Anyone can see that there’s an unspoken/unwritten wink and nod in there.

You’re creating a traffic hazard (of delicious flavor)! is what they really mean. Those cases have been on the ground for over 24 hours (so come and get them before they’re gone!)” I get it. Loud and clear.


Seriously, though, if you’re stopping on the highway to collect and eat chicken tenders that have been ejected from a wreck, it may be time to pull over and take a long, hard look at your life choices.

Or, fuck it, eat some road chicken! YOLO, right? That’s an appropriate place to say YOLO? Before eating spoiled highway chicken?