Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! One hell project just isn't enough!

We've got a couple of deals from the Deep South here, an Italian 3-fer and a Brazilian-German 2-fer, and they're priced like it's 1865 all over again! Saddle up the trailers, carpetbaggers!

I've been doing my best to interest wannabe 24 Hours Of LeMons teams in the idea of racing a Lancia instead of, say, an RX-7 or noch ein Scheiß-E30, but so far none of them seems to understand the sheer Italian awesomeness of Lancia iron. Why, Jeremy Clarkson himself selected a Lancia Beta to drive across Namibia. That's bad news for LeMons, but great news for you, because this '81 Lancia Zagato in Chattanooga (go here if the listing disappears) has a clapped-out-Kia-grade price tag of only 700 bucks. But wait, there's more! You see, you don't just get the Lancia with this deal; you also get a pair of Fiats, including a 124 Spider and a "sedan" of some sort. A 128? 130? Polski 125p? Don't waste time agonizing over the identity of the Mystery Fiat Sedan, because you also get a vast hoard of rusty-ass crap precious spare parts, including four engines!

You say you don't want an instant Italian junkyard on your property? Normally we'd say you need to get your priorities straight, pal, but passing up the Lancia/Fiat Bonanza means your garage still has room for this L'Automobile Ventura with bonus VW Type 3 Fastback deal (go here if the listing disappears). The price is double that of the Lancia/Fiat deal, and you only get two cars… but such cars! The Brazilian-made L'Automobile Ventura was a fiberglass-bodied sports car based on an air-cooled VW pan, but don't go mixing it up with the Puma GT; the Ventura came with a pancake Type 3 engine with crank-driven fan, so it has room for storage in the rear. As for styling, who could resist a car with lines that pay homage to the Nissan 300ZX, Jensen Interceptor, and Chrysler Laser? Exactly! But hold on there, because the Ventura isn't all you get here; the seller purchased a '72 Volkswagen Fastback as an engine donor car for the regrettably non-powered Ventura, but then didn't have the heart to sacrifice the Volks. That means the yard next to the double-wide has two too many vehicles, and they've got to go! The Fastback's engine is in good shape, except for the minor issue of non-functioning fuel injection, and it even has the super-rare (and nonworking) air-conditioning option. That's right, VW buyers in 1972 were able to drain 20 or so of the car's 65 horsepower by hitting the AC button! All tires are rotten. No mention of rust. The lack of title on the Ventura might make for some comedic moments at the DMV, but we're sure the DMV clerks will be quite understanding about your unregistered, undocumented orphan car from a country they've probably never heard of. Thanks to Nagruv5150 for the tip!


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