Here's the problem with California - it's so big, you have plenty of both bed-wetting, self obsessed liberals AND gun-toting, flag waving conservatives. You need a penalty that encompasses things all Californians hate; high property taxes, low property values, overpriced gasoline, and horrible traffic. Yeah, this could work in most states but these problems are very acute out west.
Make the teams push their cars in a bumper-to-bumper fashion while the driver reads the California foreclosure listings for the week. I know, the idea needs work, but something along that line will piss off pretty much everyone. #penalties
@Uncle Bo: They must not hate low property values and horrible traffic THAT much, or they wouldn't be racing in the 24 Hours of LeMons, now would they? #penalties
For California, we need to have miscreants paint a Confederate battle flag on the roof of their car; then, they should have to wire in a horn that plays "Dixie." Or just put a Confederate battle flag on the car. Or a Texas flag. Or the flag of any state east of the Rockies and south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Ironically, all the California raceways LeMons frequents (except Infineon, where they won't be racing until next year) are in California's more rural and conservative areas. My mother grew up about 45 minutes away from Thunderhill, and I saw my first "Palin 2012" sign (spray-painted, of course) last year when we went up there for Thanksgiving. #penalties
George W. Bush penalty. Make them put on a cowboy hat, adopt a horrid "Texas" accent, and clear brush while dodging questions about why they're being penalized. #penalties
after clicking through everything... i must say i love the VWs best... whether air-cooled and rear engined or not... they ALL have 3-wheel on the ground pics....
other than that.. i love the "i lift my leg at yooo" pics...
i hope my summit will find its way in to LeMons someday soon..... #24hoursoflemonstexas
In California, make a miscreant teach someone how to field strip and then reassemble an AK or AR pattern rifle. It's best if the student is afraid of guns, or is at very least totally ignorant of how they work. To get back out on track, the teacher must do a good enough job that the student can perform the task with no hands-on assistance.
This would be especially effective if the person getting penalized is also ignorant of how guns work, and must first teach themselves from military issued instructional materials. #penalties
@Clown Shoe Pilot: This could work in Texas as well- we make them assemble 10 AKs from a crate of mixed-up parts, in the back of a Toyota Hilux being driven over a lot strewn with cinder blocks while being screamed at in Pashtu. We could call it "The Taliban Penalty." #penalties
@Murilee Martin: that would be excellent. you might be shocked and amazed though at how quickly some good ol' boys can put an AK back together :) #penalties
This right here is the reason I miss long-distance motorcycle rallying...and why I can't wait until next years north-central Texas LeMons.
On a Colorado rally, the Thin-Air TT, there was one bonus which appeared quite easy, for those in the know about the location. Sure, there was a dirt-road shortcut the large-displacement dual-sport machines, and the adventurous on street machine, but my wife and I stuck to pavement. 85+ on pavement potentially 15 MPH on dirt, and repairs required to continue.
The clue read:
"At between mile marker 45 and 46, there is a ranch on the south side of CO County Road (insert road number here). In the space below, what is the name of the ranch. It must be spelled correctly to receive points."
Dude...no problem! I've got my passenger, a high-end audio hookup, and she's learned to write in 85-95 MPH wind. Hold on, "must be spelled correctly"....
Pffffft!!!
I done gradgimatated from college, yo...
I say, "okay, it's coming up", slowing down not one bit.
She replies, "I'm ready!"
As I'm passing the place, I get three syllables into the name and realize I couldn't spell correctly with a gun to my head, so I immediately say, "hold on", and grab hand and foot-loads of brake.
My wife says, "what's wrong?!"
I reply with grunting and aggravated murmuring, punctuated with creative cursing.
We turn around, go back the 1/8 mile, and sit across from the entrance, with me spelling it at least three times, just to make sure.
As a bonus for the rally-bastard, if you took the time to go out of the way for this bonus, you'd get to the next town just in time for a parade, which had the two through roads closed.
I thought those bonus points were kinda high for how easy they appeared....
A solid 1/3 of the field did not make the first checkpoint before it closed. Sure, we were in good company, and we learned about being greedy, but man, that was mean on multiple levels.
The rally-bastard claimed he didn't know about the parade, but did so with a smirk.
This is the kinda fun LeMons reminds me of. #penalties
I'm afraid I might like the penalties more than the actual race, as unjalop as that may be to admit. Glad to see the Gangster Funeral is still in effect; and the orange soda stickathon, too.
And I gotta say, that foxbody Mustang with the Russian flag looks good enough to drive on the street (even though it's a four-eyed fox). I'm not bemoaning the fact that it's being LeMonsed, I realize there were more than 1.2 million of them produced between 86-93 alone. #penalties
I knew it was a matter of time until an XJ showed up.
Also, gotta love the Crown Vic team who named themselves "Save the Whale". A guy on tB calls his "POWERWHALE", and I endorse that as well. #24hoursoflemonsthunderhill
Funnier still are the Amazon reviews of your first novel. And I quote: "I'll be keeping my eyes open for the next Murilee Martin novel- she could be to erotic fiction what Ellroy was for crime fiction." Bravo.
Jalopnik book of the month club, anyone? #penalties
@skitter: Oddly enough, Murilee has one of the most effective nom de internets I have ever encountered -- his/her real name was mentioned on GMA once, and now I cannot find that clip. It's very suspicious. #penalties
@BigHarv: They're not my perversions, they're the perversions that my editor at Virgin (a dude who paid his way through poetry grad school by playing Axl Rose in a Guns-N-Roses cover band in Scotland) told me that the target audience (British middle-aged masturbators) craved. A writer must know his audience to do his job, you see. #penalties
When I first saw Phil Frank was going to be at the race I thought the creator of 'Nigel Shiftright' was back from the dead and ready to do battle on the racetrack. So is this his son? #24hoursoflemonsthunderhill
11/08/09
...Wait, what? #penalties
11/08/09
Make the teams push their cars in a bumper-to-bumper fashion while the driver reads the California foreclosure listings for the week. I know, the idea needs work, but something along that line will piss off pretty much everyone. #penalties
11/08/09
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11/08/09
Ironically, all the California raceways LeMons frequents (except Infineon, where they won't be racing until next year) are in California's more rural and conservative areas. My mother grew up about 45 minutes away from Thunderhill, and I saw my first "Palin 2012" sign (spray-painted, of course) last year when we went up there for Thanksgiving. #penalties
11/08/09
11/08/09
And as for California, why, have them argue that global warming is a myth while waiting for an ice cube to melt on their heads.
Eat some steak tartare and argue against legalized pot.
Give them striped shirts and make them lip synch Beach Boys hits... #penalties
11/08/09
other than that.. i love the "i lift my leg at yooo" pics...
i hope my summit will find its way in to LeMons someday soon..... #24hoursoflemonstexas
11/08/09
This would be especially effective if the person getting penalized is also ignorant of how guns work, and must first teach themselves from military issued instructional materials. #penalties
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SKS. More complicated to strip, easy to find, cheap. #penalties
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11/08/09
On a Colorado rally, the Thin-Air TT, there was one bonus which appeared quite easy, for those in the know about the location. Sure, there was a dirt-road shortcut the large-displacement dual-sport machines, and the adventurous on street machine, but my wife and I stuck to pavement. 85+ on pavement potentially 15 MPH on dirt, and repairs required to continue.
The clue read:
"At between mile marker 45 and 46, there is a ranch on the south side of CO County Road (insert road number here). In the space below, what is the name of the ranch. It must be spelled correctly to receive points."
Dude...no problem! I've got my passenger, a high-end audio hookup, and she's learned to write in 85-95 MPH wind. Hold on, "must be spelled correctly"....
Pffffft!!!
I done gradgimatated from college, yo...
I say, "okay, it's coming up", slowing down not one bit.
She replies, "I'm ready!"
As I'm passing the place, I get three syllables into the name and realize I couldn't spell correctly with a gun to my head, so I immediately say, "hold on", and grab hand and foot-loads of brake.
My wife says, "what's wrong?!"
I reply with grunting and aggravated murmuring, punctuated with creative cursing.
We turn around, go back the 1/8 mile, and sit across from the entrance, with me spelling it at least three times, just to make sure.
As a bonus for the rally-bastard, if you took the time to go out of the way for this bonus, you'd get to the next town just in time for a parade, which had the two through roads closed.
I thought those bonus points were kinda high for how easy they appeared....
A solid 1/3 of the field did not make the first checkpoint before it closed. Sure, we were in good company, and we learned about being greedy, but man, that was mean on multiple levels.
The rally-bastard claimed he didn't know about the parade, but did so with a smirk.
This is the kinda fun LeMons reminds me of. #penalties
11/08/09
And I gotta say, that foxbody Mustang with the Russian flag looks good enough to drive on the street (even though it's a four-eyed fox). I'm not bemoaning the fact that it's being LeMonsed, I realize there were more than 1.2 million of them produced between 86-93 alone. #penalties
11/08/09
p.s: We need a Joe Wilson punishment during the LeMons-conservative edition. #penalties
11/08/09
@FTGDWolverineEdition'09: #penalties
11/08/09
/really enjoyed The Daily Show last Thursday...and I'm not "liberal" or "conservative", just not an idiot #penalties
11/08/09
Also, gotta love the Crown Vic team who named themselves "Save the Whale". A guy on tB calls his "POWERWHALE", and I endorse that as well. #24hoursoflemonsthunderhill
11/08/09
Jalopnik book of the month club, anyone? #penalties
11/08/09
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11/07/09