Our Pals At DARTZ Have Built An All-New Opulent SUV For A Movie But They Won't Say Which One

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The exciting loons over at DARTZ, the world’s most Latvian builders of deeply, lavishly over-the-top hyper-luxury SUVs that have famously included whale penis skin and bulletproof child seats, have just finished a new masterwork of ostentation and brutal absurdity called the DARTZ Prombron Black Stallion, which is named after a Sikorsky helicopter, not a horse.

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I think the deadly-looking spears/fangs/stakes grille is particularly effective in this context, even if the patterning of the carbon fiber reminds me a bit of chicken wire. In a way, that makes it even better.

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I spoke with Leonard Yankelovich, DARTZ’s lunatic-in-chief, about this new build, and he mentioned that, as a vehicle produced specifically for a movie, it’s a bit different than DARTZ’s normal production vehicles, in that it’s not based on the Mercedes GLS platform that they’ve standardized on.

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He won’t tell me what platform it was built from, nor the movie it’s intended for, only that it’s a major production from a real studio, and he’s been threatened with beheading if he reveals the title.

DARTZ has produced cars for movies before, specifically the Sacha Baron Cohen movie The Dictator:

The Black Stallion makes extensive use of alligator skin, stingray skin, and real wood in its interior, and the exterior is a brutalist mashup of stealth-like angles made of carbon fiber and steel.

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There’s a skull in an aviator’s helmet motif throughout the vehicle, including this nice little detail here:

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Yes, there’s a little friend, lounging on some more alligator skin, ready to say hello to you every time you fill up with gas.

Leonard told me that, even though this was a one-off for a movie, he is “fucking passioned for this car” and would like to make a “civilian” version of it for sale, presumably based on the Mercedes (or Maybach) GLS platform.

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Image for article titled Our Pals At DARTZ Have Built An All-New Opulent SUV For A Movie But They Won't Say Which One

I fully realize how strange—perhaps even hypocritical—my fondness for DARTZ and their crazy cars is. I normally have zero tolerance for this sort of absurd, overdone, hyper-agressive rich-douche bullshit, but for whatever reason, I feel like DARTZ approaches these things with a touch of irony, humor, and gleeful madness that sets them apart.

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The quality is genuinely good, unlike the sloppy bullshit of something like that Karlmann King, and they’re not so insufferably serious like Rezvani seems to be.

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Whatever. DARTZ is having a lot of fun, and that makes me have fun, so, fuck it, if there has to be a maker of absurd, wildly expensive SUV monsters, I’m happy for it to be DARTZ. Have at it, you kooks.

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I’m curious to know what movie this is going to end up in. If I had to guess, I’d say that Wes Anderson is likely re-making My Dinner With Andre and this will play a very central role, likely in the 36-minute car chase sequence that was cut out of the original.