Who does Lotus think they're fooling? The huge, evil corporation is now claiming that by trimming 70 lb. from the 1895 lb. Lotus Elise S, they've made it more fuel-efficient. Oh yeah? Those of us in the Birkenstock-wearing, wood-burning-stove-using intellectual elite — we know better. Where's the trunk full of batteries? Where's the electric plug? Where's the giant green leaf badge? Brown? Everyone knows that's the color of pollution. Where's the hybrid sticker on each and every side of the car proclaiming your environmentally-friendly ways? No, a lightweight track car with a small engine can't be green! We're going to get you outlawed, you evil speeders.
We know the real reason that you cut the weight was to improve the Elise's 0-to-62 MPH time. Sub-six seconds and gas-drinking can't be green! We all know performance and good looks kill spotted owls. Why do you think the Toyota Prius is so slow and ugly? And by using hemp and sisal in your body panels, seats and interior fabrics, we know you're just secretly planning to cut down the rain forest to build your cars.
And solar panels used to power the A/C? We've got you beat there too you filthy capitalists. The new Solar Toyota Prius is getting solar panels as a "symbolic gesture." Everyone knows that being green is about appearances, jeeze.
Oh and a light that tells you when to shift for maximum economy. Sheesh, we're starting to pity you. Don't you know real environmentalists let their transmissions do the shifting for them? How else would we drive while drinking our free trade coffee? We bet you don't even drink free trade coffee. And don't even get us started on the 36 MPG highway figure that the stock car gets. The Tesla Roadster doesn't even use gallons, and it totally exists in reality, too — so stop trying to copy their styling cues with such seeming ease it's like your cut from the same cloth. Nice try Lotus, but you're not going to kill Mother Gaia on our watch. [via World Car Fans]