HOV lane use in 2005.
Photo: Getty Images

I understand that the carpool lane is for vehicles carrying multiple people. But the thing is, I’m a good person. I deserve to drive in it alone.

I get that the whole system of the carpool lane is to keep drivers like me, driving alone in my car, out of the carpool lane. Does this improve the flow of traffic? Research suggests it does not. Is this strictly to punish me and other drivers like me? It sure feels that way.


What the carpool lane can’t see is that while I may be alone in my car, sharing the regular lanes with all the other single-driver assholes in this traffic, I’m different.

You see, all the other drivers are assholes. I, on the other hand, am nice. I’m a nice guy! I say hello in the hallways. I hold the door. People say I’m fun, and I am fun.

Anyway, all these other drivers do this all the time. They’re the problem. I just happened to be driving today. Free as a bird. No one to even carpool with. Just doing a little trip. Teensy little errand out of town.

Beep beep, don’t mind me. Just let me in, just this once, c’mon.

Raphael Orlove is features editor for Jalopnik.

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