Jeremy Clarkson's Cherished Mercedes AMG Black Won't Start And He's Bitching About It On Twitter
Oh, you thought you spewed forth snarky vitriol on Twitter? You've got nothing on Jeremy Clarkson, who is unpleasantly announcing to the world that his Mercedes CLK 63 AMG Black won't start.
We know that Jezza's car won't start because he has taken to that excellent source of Internet news, Twitter. We can understand that he would want to make his personal displeasure with the car public, as he very much loves the AMG Black.
He even filmed something of a love letter to the car on Top Gear a few seasons back.
Here begins Clarkson's tale of woe.
The day so far. Up at 6. Bad traffic. Dentist. Parking ticket. And now – you'll enjoy this – my car won't start.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
Unfortunately, he can't reach into his typical bag of tricks to solve the problem.
The battery is so flat, I can't even open the doors to get at it with my hammer.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
Even though he makes millions a year goofing off with 600+ horsepower supercars, life is still rough for the motoring journalist.
I bet you all think I get special treatment from car makers. Now been waiting 3 hours for the breakdown van. Come on Mercedes. Wake up.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
With such a big audience (667,149 followers at the time of writing), Clarkson faces the ubiquitous Internet challenge of 'pics or it didn't happen.'
Clarkson, clearly desperate, turned to the one skill he possesses to get his way: hyperbole.
Dear breakdown man. I'm a pregnant woman and I'm on my own. Please hurry.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
Dear breakdown man. I've now given birth to my baby and it has no head. Please hurry.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
Dear breakdown man. My headless child starts school next week. Where are you?
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
We're not surprised that his AMG Black won't start, since he hasn't driven it in eight weeks. He must have been too busy testing supercars, we assume.
We halfway hope that Richard Hammond arrives to pick him up in a taxi, and that Jezza would continue to sing songs.
Oh lord won't you mend my Mercedes Benz
My friends all drive Porsches.... Maybe they have a point.— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
In fact, the breakdown man just showed up.
B'down man is here. I shall ask him to be my headless child's Godfather. Then hit the M40 like a broken hero on a last chance power drive.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) October 22, 2012
We just glad that his headless child has a godfather, because Clarkson is a big Vanishing Point fan and those broken-hero-last-drives tend to end poorly.
Photo Credit: Top Gear