I’m not exactly sure why we’re not, collectively, freaking out more about the recent Pentagon reveals of the possible UFO/alien encounters and the admission that there’s special facilities around Las Vegas where “alien alloys,” still-unexplained materials from alleged alien spacecraft, are being stored and investigated. This is the kind of crap I’d daydream about, and now it seems like it actually may be happening? What the hell? And, most crucially of all, how can we use these alien alloys in cars?

Right now, these alloys are still a mystery; as the New York Times described the state of research into these materials, we’re still just barely getting started:

“Under Mr. Bigelow’s direction, the company modified buildings in Las Vegas for the storage of metal alloys and other materials that Mr. Elizondo and program contractors said had been recovered from unidentified aerial phenomena. Researchers also studied people who said they had experienced physical effects from encounters with the objects and examined them for any physiological changes.”

Okay, so we don’t really know anything just yet, but I feel like we may as well compile our wish list of new, alien-based automotive alloys so that when we eventually do crack these codes (I’m an optimist), we’ll have a plan about how to proceed ready to go.

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So, here’s what I think the properties of new, unknown alien-technology-based alloys and materials should be:

1. An alloy for body parts that can revert to the shape it was originally stamped after deforming

This has been speculated about for years, and we have things like niobium-based ‘memory wire’ that can sort of do things like this. But some light, durable alloy that can be stamped into a body part and then revert back to its original shape when, say, heat or an electric current or some other sort of stimulus is applied would revolutionize the bodywork and collision industries.

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2. An alloy for body parts that can alter physical properties like rigidity, flexibility, etc. on demand

This is more for safety than ease of repair, but a car body that can transform into a material designed for maximum energy absorption in the event of an accident could be an incredible benefit, especially when paired with alloys that can become more rigid to protect a passenger cell.

3. An alloy for suspension parts that can dynamically adjust springing rates, hardness/softness, etc.

Imagine being able to have dynamic suspension control in something as mechanically simple as an old-school leaf spring! Depending on how quickly changes to the alloy’s properties can take effect, this could allow for inexpensive yet very advanced suspension setups on all kinds of cars.

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4. A material that has the heat tolerances of a ceramic with the strength and flexibility of a metal

Ceramic engine blocks have been experimented with for years, and allow for much higher operating temperatures and, with that, greater efficiency than conventional metal-block engines. But they’re still too fragile for mainstream use. Maybe these aliens have a solution for that!

5. Something like a metal that feels like Alacantara

Why should that smooth, sensual Alacantara feel be limited to inside the car? Why shouldn’t every single surface of your car feel like that tactile Nirvana that is Alacantra? Alien culture, if it’s even remotely advanced, should have realized this millennia ago, long after they hunted their native alien Alacantars to extinction. I’m sure they have this.

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6. Dynamically conductive alloys

What if we could eliminate a car’s complex wiring harness by having some alien metallic alloy that allows for defining ‘electrical paths’ into the metal of the car itself? What if there was a way to ‘print’ circuit designs, much like we print circuit boards now, right into the panels of a car? Areas would be conductive or not in the same metal panel, at the molecular level? Aliens have got to have figure that out, right?

7. Plastics with customizable outgassing properties

This would revolutionize the intra-vehicular scent and olfactory environment industries. Why would you need an air freshener if the very plastics of your dashboard could be ‘tuned’ to outgas the scents you want? What if you had a slider on your dash for how much pine scent you wanted outgassed? A MAXIMUM SANDALWOOD button? This could be a game changer.

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8. Edible Tires That Taste Like Licorice

Self-explanatory.

9. Rust-to-Energy Alloy Systems

Rust is the biggest enemy of most of our human-made ferrous metals and alloys, right? What if there was a way to harness the oxidation process of rust and capture energy from it? Future electric cars sold in the wet, salty North and Midwest of America would have consumable undercarriage panels designed specifically to rust, but the process of that rusting would feed the car’s batteries.

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Such a system would help compensate for battery capacity loss in the cold weather, and finally make rust something that doesn’t make you cry yourself to sleep at night.

10. Reconfigurable structural alloys

Imagine a metal convertible top that can fold into a compact pile at the touch of a button, without complex electric motors or mechanisms. Think of a trunk lid that can expand out to form a short truck bed, or upwards to form a van-like enclosure.

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Imagine off-road vehicles that can tuck fenders and vulnerable body parts out of the way when off-road, or a car that can change its aesthetic look dynamically.

Sure, this is some pretty sci-fi stuff, but we’re talking about alien fucking alloys here, people, based on reports from real, mainstream news outlets! This is the time to let you imagination run wild, because, clearly, shit’s about to get really, really weird.