If you’re the sort of person who is sexually aroused by the idea that you can convey sexual pleasure to your inanimate car via caressing the gearshift as though it were a human penis, there is no better time to be alive. That’s largely because of this game, Stick Shift, which lets you convey sexual pleasure to your car via caressing the gearshift like a penis.
Of course, Stick Shift is probably not for everyone, though even without the sexual component, you could sort of use it to learn how to drive a manual, sort of. And very strangely. The author of the game, Robert Yang, describes the game as
Stick Shift is an autoerotic night-driving game about pleasuring a gay car
... which is a little odd, in that the car is not just gendered, but has a sexual orientation, two things cars generally lack. Still, it’s a video game, so if the man wants a male gay car, then it’s a male, gay car. And these aren’t just any male gay cars, but
hot naked gay cars, big swollen exposed gear sticks, and oozing exhaust pipes.
So, if you’re into hot gay cars, you should be thrilled.
Based on this screenshot, it sort of looks like the hot naked gay car is a Euro-spec Ford Capri, which is, I admit, a pretty handsome vehicle. I mean, I’m a boring hetero married dude, but I’ll freely admit there’s worse cars to get all homoerotic with.
I downloaded the game to try it out and grab some screenshots, and I’ll be honest — I found it pretty confusing. It seems like the more you stroke the gearshift, the faster the car goes, the higher the engine revs, so you can watch the tach to shift. When I got to 4th, the cops pulled me over, and all I could do was click the mouse to blow kisses at them.
Did I win? Did I lose? I have no idea. I wasn’t really that aroused, so I guess my wife can rest easy knowing I’m not going to cheat on her with a gay Capri any time soon. And, while the creepy 3D man makes weird faces, I’m not really sure anything that went on here is technically sexual at all. So you can give it a try at work, especially if you like long, awkward explanations to your boss about how something’s not sexual, really.
Yang has a more detailed explanation of why he made the game on his blog, and he comes up with some interesting ideas — I especially like that he wanted to make a driving game without steering. It looks like he was also confronting the Uncanny Valley issue with the character’s facial expressions, too. It’s all pretty interesting, and worth a read.
Honestly, though? I’m just happy to see the art of manual shifting getting any attention at all.