Here Is The Best Car Advice You'd Give Your Teenage Selves

CountersteerYour true stories of good and bad things that happen in cars.

We’ve all had those moments where we wished that we could go back in time and change something.


Speaking from my highly advanced years from being on the road and behind the wheel, I’ve gathered some advice I’d give to my young and unknowing teenage self in a heartbeat if I could.

“Dear high-school Kristen,” I’d write. “Congratulations on being able to finally park in the senior lot this year! While this is a great convenience now bestowed upon you, don’t for a second think that it’s safer than parking on the street. You’ll be hit twice in this lot. Keep your eyes open.

Also, learn to pump your own gas, goddammit! I know you’re from New Jersey, but asking a random person at a gas station in Pennsylvania is not the way to do it. And don’t be so nervous behind the wheel. Relax and enjoy the ride.


Kristen in 2017”

Now, let’s take a look at what you guys would tell your teenage selves.

Take Shop (Son of the Mustard Tiger)

Way more useful than algebra.


PT Cruiser (toomuchcommuting)

Is that car good for anybody?


Terrified (Thunder)

Good luck!


Everyone Else (jimmyjet)

Watch everyone. Trust no one.


Colorblind (JasonWithAnE)

What’s wrong with purple and pink?


Hindsight’s A Bitch (offyatindy)

Urgh... that Stratos....


Too Narrow (forSCIENCE, but mostly forPROFIT)

Gotta learn that depth perception.


THAT One (DragonBreath)

Find a better one.


Tires, Tires, Tires (peterjford)

They matter!


Ten Things (Teh Penguin of Doom)



CRX (Phlegminglib)

I miss Blockbuster.


Come To A Complete Stop (Umrguy42: Add $5 for shipping and handling)

Just... why wouldn’t you?


No Loans (Rusty Starship)

Just don’t do it.


Buy It (SmugAardvark)

What a Lotus.


Have Fun (IJustWantMyCRXBack)

You just never know.


Job Interview (Stulgs)

...Did you get the job?

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.


How did I miss the initial submittal thread for this post? I wish I’d seen it. My number one bit of advice? DON’T SELL YOUR FIRST CAR! It doesn’t matter that they offered $1500. You’re going to miss it. You’re going to spend 17 years trying to track it down, only to find out that it is (literally) in Mexico now and you A) Don’t speak Spanish, B) Don’t know how to track it down in Mexico, C) Don’t know what they’ve done to it since you’ve owned it, and D) will NEVER be able to get it back.