Ford Exodus: A Jalopnik-Bialystock Production

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

We're assuming at least 10,000 FoMoCo employees will be taking the long route home today, with the remainder of employees "left behind" wondering why they didn't take advantage of those early buyouts. But if this is a true "exodus" from Dearborn as the headline from the Freep this morning suggests, we're wondering who plays who in this turnaround story of biblical proportions on stage today in Dearborn? Our guesses on the playbill after the jump.


Mount Horeb burning bush:

This would have to be FoMoCo's spokesman Ray Day or his boss Charlie Holleran. Considering that at any given moment, one of them thinks they speak as the "voice of G-d" for the automaker — this seems to make sense.


Perhaps the successor to Moses and son of Nun just won't be appearing in this particular rendition of the Exodus. Mostly it's because the cupboard's looking rather bare in terms of leadership at FoMoCo at the moment. Perhaps there's a Boeing exec out there that could be brought in to pinch-hit or understudy for the part?


This one's easy. For the role of Moses' big brother, the elder son (and second child) of Amram and Jochebed of the tribe of Levi, we'd clearly choose a golden boy mishpacha who built a turnaround plan that seemed so ready for idolation, all shiny-like-gold from the beginning. But then in reality, once a real leader shows up (Moses), you end up realizing that plan wasn't anything but a false way forward. That's right, this role's perfect for the president of the Americas, Mark Fields.



You'd have to choose the main-man at the top of the food chart for this one — Alan Mulally. True, the CEO of the boldly not moving product automaker from Dearborn doesn't strike us as much of a Charlton Heston type, he's the guy who's got to lead these particular Israelites through the wilderness.



This one's going to be a difficult one to cast. At first we thought maybe Toyota could play the role as a Prius dressed up in a Pharaoh costume, or perhaps it could be Ford Motor Company whipping itself like a slave. But then we realized there's one player still left on the bench who's just begging to be centerfield. For this role you need a man who's been raised as royalty since his youth. You'd need someone who's going to be easily manipulated by G-d. You know, someone whose mind can be changed at a moment's notice. There's only one man we know who could pull off this role — "Big Bill Boss" himself — Bill Ford.


And with that — the cast is complete. Let the show, and the Exodus, begin.

Mass exodus from Ford today [Freep]

Bold Mullets: Still Happening Every Day; Mark Fields Urges Ford Managers To Be "Supportive" [internal]



Al Navarro

Wow, breaking news and an Old Testament primer in one! Another reason to make sure the Jalop is bookmarked. Well done Wert.