If you break it down, a lot of what living is about involves evaluating situations and then making the best decision you can. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Leverne Doran of Nottingham, Maryland, failed pretty dramatically by this definition of living, since he crawled onto the hood of a middle school bus and screamed about an alleged thrown bottle.

Because we live in an age of magic, of course there’s video of the incident:

As you can see in the video, the guy on the hood is screaming to the bus driver to “OPEN THE DOOR” while he pounds on the hood, like some kind of very irate walrus. I guess he’s thinking the bus driver might think it’s somehow a smart move to have the screaming, belligerent man clinging to the front of the bus gremlin-like actually inside the bus full of middle school kids.

The kids seem delighted by the situation, because of course they are. This was pretty much exactly the kind of thing I hoped would happen on every boring ride to middle school.

The whole mess started because Doran alleges that a bottle was thrown from the bus and hit his car while both vehicles were waiting at a red light. It remains unclear if any bottle was thrown or not.

While the bus and car were still stopped, Doran left his car and approached the bus door, banging on it and demanding it be opened. Of course, no school bus driver is going to let some random, screaming adult into their bus, so the driver began to slowly drive away when the light changed, as Doran beat on the bus with his fists.

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Doran then climbed onto the bus’ front bumper, and the driver, while yelling back at Doran through the windshield, slowly drove to a nearby police station. Luckily, the situation was taken care of before he got to the station.

As Baltimore County police Sgt. Andrea Bylen told WBAL-TV,

“We happened to have an off-duty officer who was present in the area who assisted and intervened quickly. He came over, separated all of the parties, and at that time, the suspect was arrested on scene without incident.”

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This is just idiotic. What did this guy think the bus driver was going to do, let him in and beat kids until one of them confessed? Did he think the driver would see him clinging onto the hood like a geriatric T.J. Hooker and think, “Oh. This guy seems to have a point. I’ll just let him in.”

No, man, no. There’s no vehicle easier to track than a school bus; if he thought something was thrown at him, all he had to do was see what number was on the school bus and make one phone call. I guarantee he could have gotten a whole busload of kids at least scolded, even without any proof.

It’s a schoolbus. There’s pretty much no vehicle people freak out more about strange old screaming dudes trying to get into.

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Dumbass.