The Mercedes S-Class has long been a leader in the car world, introducing new features that eventually trickle down to the ordinary, affordable family cars we buy. There's a problem with this system.
It was easy for Mercedes to bring out groundbreaking S-Classes in decades past because cars on the whole were terrible and there was just so much to be improved. Today, however, every car has the basics covered and Mercedes has to figure out some kind of new heated massaging radar cruise controlled infotainment leather system that nobody really needs.
Graverobber told his own story of the needless and unwise pursuit of extraneous automotive features while we were discussing the safety of needing to pee while driving.
My brother once told me a story about a friend of his who had to make frequent trips between L.A. and San Diego - a stretch of I-5 that at the time didn't offer frequent opportunities for relieving oneself.
Thinking he had come upon a solution, my brother's friend devised a length of vinyl tubing attached to a commodious funnel that would then drain through a hole he had drilled in the floorboard of his clapped-out Capri.
Eager to test out his contraption - with visions of lucrative patents dancing in his head - he stocked up on coffee and headed out. About an hour into the south-bound trip he determined his arsenal to be fully stocked and decided to try out his brilliant scheme.
Strategically placing the funnel in between his thighs and tipping it to achieve the greatest capacity without spilling, he unzipped his fly and introduced Mr. Winky to the funnel. Apparently there was no issue with reluctant bladder syndrome as it began evacuating not just immediately but with great abandon, quickly emptying into the funnel and down the tube.
Success! He thought, as the tube reached almost its full capacity. His enthusiasm was short lived however as he had neglected to take into consideration the pressure differential between the cabin and the underside of a car moving at freeway speeds. Apparently there was a great burp from the funnel and then a massive spray of urine that would have done a water sports porno proud.
A detour off the freeway along with the search for a less-than-public restroom for clean up without the need for explanation followed, somewhat negating the intent of the original plan.
Photo Credit: Oldtimerfreunde-Freising e.V.