Why would a well-dressed man, drunk or sober, expend such a deal of energy trashing a Mazda dealership in the dark of night? Something deeper than drunkenness must be afoot. Could the man be exacting vengeance for wrongs once committed?


Imagine for a moment the man has arrived on the scene of John Hine Mazda of San Diego with revenge on the brain. What happens next? For that we turn to Middleswine, who exercises a good-commenting practice we'll call ABR — always be relevant. While Swine's cleverly drawn up a fictional narrative, it's one that both sticks to topic and is germane to the subject matter at hand. Read on.

"He took a call on his cell phone, then became enraged."

Scene: San Diego, CA - 3:30 A.M. - The camera pans across the John Hine Mazda sign down to street level where a man is seen walking towards the dealer's fence.

*A phone rings*

*The Man picks up the phone*

Man: Hello

Caller: Are you at the location?

Man: Yes, I am all alone.

Caller: Good, did you bring the item?

Man: Yes - I have acquired the Bat of Felix, it has been oiled and prepared for tonight.

Caller: Good, good - before you begin you must confirm our reconnaissance. Are there any RX-8's on the lot, or in the showroom?

Man: No, there are none. It's all Skyactiv zoom zoom and other, lesser Mazdas.

Caller: Go forth, my son - in the name of Wankel, exact justice for our family.

*AC/DC Hells Bells begins playing*

*Man hangs up phone and runs towards the glass*

*Man swings bat and begins smashing cars*

Camera shifts to slow-motion bullet time as the Mazdas begin to be destroyed

*Man stops swinging, panting, sweating, he is standing in the showroom, looking out on the empty San Diego street, smashed Mazdas behind him*

Text overlay underneath The Man: R.I.P. Wankel Engine 1957-2011


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