In this time of economic uncertainty, when our faith in the leaders of industry have ebbed, we need to look back to immigrants like Oskar Ferdinand Mayer. The German-born Mayer started at a lowly meat market in Detroit before opening up his own store with his brother in the German part of Chicago. It quickly expanded and the company started offering meat delivery service around the city, which is awesome. He not only voluntarily submitted to the nation's food safety program, he created The Weinermobile way back in the 1930s. He's a true American hero and, having lived to almost 100, changed the way we think of meat products and jingles. My bologna has a first name it's O-S-C-A-R. But how much horsepower does it have? It doesn't matter, because Jo Schmo has more.

My Delorean has 1,622,636.73 hp

Oh, I love to eat it every day, and if you ask me why, I'll say, "'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A."