Illustration for article titled Civilizations Over, Everybody, Because People Are Shitting On Trains

Hey, we had a pretty good run, right? Five thousand or so years of human civilization, and in that time we figured out writing, went to the moon, and developed Pizza Rolls. Not a bad run. Too bad it's over. How do we know it's over? Because people are shitting on trains.


Yep, shitting on trains. From overpasses, as the trains pass below. People are climbing up, hanging their asses over the railing, and opening their sphincters to release oblongs of steaming feces to plummet, torpedo-like, onto passing freight trains below. Jeezis Fucking Crabapples.

People are shitting on trains.

The train-shitters are train-shitting around Uxbridge, MA. This past Monday, at least four men were seen poo-bombing freight trains, causing a number of railroad maintenance workers to experience their worst day of work, ever.


Police Chief Jeffrey A. Lourie said of the incident

"It's a violation of the law. Their actions pose no lawful purpose."

... which I think shows a staggering amount of restraint, and raise an unusual question: is there some possible lawful purpose that shitting on a train could accomplish?

But there is no purpose. There's just morons pinching loaves onto trains. That's it. Are they going to have to put a sign that says DO NOT SHIT ON THE TRAINS? Because if they do, that pretty much indicates that human civilization is finished right?


(Thanks? Derek!)

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