Blip: Another Perk Of Earth

Illustration for article titled Blip: Another Perk Of Earth
Photo: NASA (or aliens)

It’s Earth Day! If you’re unfamiliar, it’s sort of like Neptune Day but instead of celebrating a boring-ass gas giant where you can’t get a decent drink anywhere, it’s about Earth, a wet, rocky world that has every drink ever made in the history of the time on it, at least as far as we know. Also, it’s the only planet in the entire known universe that builds cars as we know them. Have a favorite car? This is where it was made, pal. Also, it’s where I live! So, if you’re around Earth, come say hello!

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!:


Give Me Tacos or Give Me Death

::Ken Burns Music::

In 2021, alien life visited Earth for the first time. It didn’t take long for diplomacy to break down. When they suggested improving automotive safety by bringing back automatic seatbelts, the first Interstellar War began in earnest.

Fun fact: You’re reading that in Keith David’s voice.