Armani Stroller Suspect Who Keyed Aston Martin Brought To Justice

Illustration for article titled Armani Stroller Suspect Who Keyed Aston Martin Brought To Justice

A suspect has been arrested after footage released by an Aston Martin owner of a man keying his car while pushing a child’s stroller went viral this week.

According to Metro UK, a 48-year-old suspect has been apprehended by police for questioning. The suspect is believed to be the man featured on dashcam footage released by the owner of the Aston Martin Vantage, which soared to millions of views over the past week. From Metro:

The £90,000 car was left in a supermarket car park in Hackney, London, on Friday 19 June, however when the driver returned he found the marks, which caused £9,000 worth of damage to the car.


It is still unclear why the grown-ass-man pushing a very expensive stroller, wearing what looks to be Armani, decided to damage the vehicle.

In our coverage of the video, we listed some ideas as to what may have caused this father to make funny faces and put keys to metal. We asked you guys to suggest the man’s otherwise uninstigated reasoning for fucking with this dudes pricey GT, and you delivered:

Tis a sweet deal, AMGFTMFW:

Buy A Slightly Keyed Aston Martin For The Price Of A New Mustang.

Hey, we all have to live with our decisions, as feather-throttle-not-hair says:

The car is taunting him.

“Oh look at me! Look at how pretty I am! You could’ve had me, but noooooo... you had to have a child instead!”

Perhaps he made it ugly so it would no longer taunt him.

Actually, probably WeissGuy:

It’s viral marketing for something.

Don’t mess with the timestream, as PanchoVilleneuve ST puts it:

It’s because he actually is the Aston from an alternate timestream. Aston Prime and Aston Omega occupying the same reality will cause all known laws of nature to begin breaking down in ways too horrifying to even imagine. One must be destroyed so that all existence may survive. Omega is saying it will not be him.

God help us all.

Alf, in pog form blames the kid:

He was made to do it, the baby was holding him at gunpoint.

User djmt1 went all Illuminati:

I actually know the reason why this is so popular. I’m taking a great risk telling you this and your gawker blackmail dropbox isn’t working so I might need to claim asylum in Miataland but I feel it is my duty to reveal the insidious plot.

As you know here in the United Kingdom we have a class system. At the top of system are the toffs they consist of bankers, judges, Lords etc and needless to say the wealthy occupants of this great countries are despised by the other 99% of us.

Recently though I found a Laptop on train and while I was installing Windows 10 I found a folder simply named “The lower class are a bunch of silly buggers”, upon opening this I discovered “ The Plot”.

Every so often the masses’ opinion of the upper classes reaches fever pitch bordering on revolution something the upper classes are keen to avoid for reason you will understand so they put an event in place to not only calm the masses down but to make them feel that very unbritish of emotion, sympathy.

In this case an expensive car being vandalised which is something that will anger anybody on this Island nation of 40 million drivers.

As you said it has sent not only the UK but the world into hysteria to the point where we are ignoring more important issues like interest rates, the wage gap, MP’s salaries and milk prices. The plan has worked flawlessly, well except for the tradional leaving of government secrets on a train.

I hope you are grateful for this information as no doubt my shitty BT internet will only marginally slow MI5 from tracking me and bringing me before the Queen to be Royally Bitchslapped, a fate truly worse than death.

I trust you to release the information to the world and free the British people from this tyranny since you guys kind of built a nation on that just don’t let the French get invovlve again, we’ll never hear the end of it. I’m leaving my secret upstairs bedroom for a boat heading to Miataland I hope you welcome me even though I think the Miata is an overrated rust box.


Mike Dallin:

Not much else to add really. I think you more than scratched the surface with those key points.


Good one, Mike! Good one!

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