BMW 328i Ute, Toyota AE86 Corolla, Subaru Brat: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

The listing for this 328i ute specified that it’s “custom” right in the title. That’s good to know, separates it our from all those factory-offered 328i utes. Yes, I know about the two whole M3 utes, but those are different. They didn’t sell them here. Or anywhere.

This ute was actually a reader submission, which is as good a time as any to remind you all that you can submit any listings you come across in your travels to sdasilva@jalopnik.com. Send something good my way, and you might just see your submission in these hallowed slides.

The seller of this HiAce claims that he used it for mail delivery with the post office. Can you imagine your local mail carrier rolling down the street in a HiAce rather than another boring old Grumman? Don’t get me wrong, there’s a soft spot in my heart in the precise shape of an LLV, but it’s no HiAce.

This HiAce is a RWD model, so don’t expect to take it too far off-road, but the little van doesn’t need to leave tarmac to prove its worth. It’s great as it sits. Well, underneath the dirt, at least. Give it a good wash after you pick it up.

This CB300R is quite possibly the best beginner bike that exists. I know, I promised that my own BMW G310GS would earn that title, but there’s a crucial criterion in which the Honda beats out my old Bimmer: Maintenance and repair costs.

Towards the end of last summer, I snapped the clutch lever on my current F800GS, and the dealer wants $141.33 for a new part. Just the part. For a lever. I looked up the same part on an Africa Twin, and you wanna guess what that goes for? Its $26.40, from a dealer. If you plan on dropping your first bike, get something that’s reasonable to repair.

Have I ever mentioned that I love absolute garbage drift cars? Real missiles with mismatched body panels, bent frames, and the dumbest stickers and body kits you’ve ever seen? Well, I do, and this Miata counts.

Sure, it’s a stock 1.6 liter engine, but the diff below that NB-swapped rear sheet metal is welded — that’s a drift car, all the time, whether you want it or not. It’s got a gaudy front end kit, an exhaust that exists through the center of the rear bumper, side skirts that the seller describes as “Tupperware,” and a roll bar that will absolutely mousetrap your neck and kill you in the event of a rollover. It’s perfect.

I’ll say it: I love VTEC. Sure, variable valve timing is a boring thing to think about in a vacuum, but actually driving a car with a nice VTEC changeover will change your mind. You just need some real Honda power under your right foot to convince you — Honda power like this Mini.

It may not exactly be collector-spec, but I like old cars restomodded with interesting new engines. We’ve seen enough American classics done up with LS3s, give us more Japanese-British alliances like this one. They seem like a blast.

If the Miata earlier was a ragged missile, this JZX90 is a true daily drifter. It’s not some incredibly high-dollar build like you’d see in Formula Drift or D1GP, but it’s something you can drive to work and still slide at Etown on the weekends.

This JZX90 has a turbo 1JZ up front, a sizeable turbo to feed it, BC coilovers, and a clean, paint-matched body kit. The hood vent is normal. Don’t think too hard about the hood vent.

Oh, what, the JZX90 still isn’t the genre of drift car you want? Fine. I’ll give you what you’re really after — something from Initial D. I know, it’s not the Trueno with the flip-up headlights, but you’ll gain weeb cred from saying that ackshually it’s Wataru’s car. Just don’t say Itsuki. No one wants to be Itsuki.

What this Levin lacks in pop-up headlights, however, it makes up for with being an actual JDM race car. The seller claims to have records of the Levin racing at Tskuba, and the mod list certainly seems to back up that pedigree. Recaro seat, race harness, Cusco seat, 1.5-way rear diff — it’s the real deal.

More Facebook ads need images this aesthetically pleasing. The green of the car pairs with the green of the guy’s shirt, the green of the bottles behind him, and even the leaves on the trees in the background. The blue and yellow license plate flows into the blue and yellow forklift, which then pairs with the cool gray of the walls, rear buildings, and even the desaturated blue of the Crosstrek in the background. That’s color theory, baby.

I can spend all this time talking about the colors because I don’t need to sell you on the car. It’s a bright green Datsun 510 four-door with perfect wheel fitment and a roof rack — what else do you need? I assume you sent an offer upon seeing the image, and are only coming back to read this now that you’ve arranged a pickup with the seller.

Period reviews of this bike knocked it for its weight — why would someone ever take a 350-lb bike offroad? It’s preposterous. That’s simply too much weight to haul around, when a two-stroke weighs so much less. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take my 498-lb GS out for a trip.

The 640 Adventure even undercuts single-cylinder ADV lightweights like the KLR650 for gross tonnage. Sure, these bikes may have been given odd glances in their day, but now they’d make for perfect BDR-slaying machines.

If you’re an MGB GT, this is the guy she’s telling you not to worry about. Oh, you’ve got a Rover V8 making Miata power? That don’t impress me much. So you’ve got the displacement, but have you got these gorgeous body lines? Those rear fenders? The touch?

This Triumph really belongs more alongside the Toyota 2000GT than the MGB in the annals of car design history. The Toyota even came in a similar shade to this, didn’t it? No coincidences. That must mean something.

This Isuzu sent me off on a whole other search in the midst of my Dopest hunting. It actually came up while hunting for a What Car Should You Buy answer, and seeing this car for this price set me upon a rabid search through Marketplace across the country.

Granted, that search was for K5 Blazers, but that just leaves this Trooper up for you to take. It costs $500 — that’s less than the average airport meal in 2024. Who cares if it has a vacuum leak? You can buy it for five bills out of an ATM.

Normally I dislike red interiors. They always end up feeling too saturated or not saturated enough, too gaudy or too brown. This, though, is different. Maybe it’s the wood trim, maybe it’s the exact shade of leather, but this Mercedes absolutely whips.

That continues to the outside, too. The wheels, the body kit, the wing. Sure, I may not love the square exhaust pipes or tinted tails, but those are easy fixes — you’re paying for the rest of it. Look at that interior and tell me I’m wrong.

Speaking of that K5 Blazer search earlier, it led me to this gorgeous old 3/4 ton. Longtime Dopest readers will know that I have a soft spot for old brown pickup trucks, the squarer and more beat up the better, and this GMC fits that bill perfectly. There’s rust, there’s a full-width seat cover, there’s trim missing from the doors.

Of particular note is the engine, which the seller claims is a “good running 305.” They specifically mention that they have no idea what engine came in this truck, but that it’s a 305 now and it runs just fine. Numbers-matching is a sucker’s game, this is superior in my book.

More motorcycles need to come in teal. It’s an underused color in the spectrum, and it just makes the lines of sportbikes pop so well — why don’t we see it on Gixxers, S1000s, and Fireblades? Does Yamaha have a patent on teal? If so, use turquoise.

I do have to wonder, though, about the deluge of Decepticon stickers on this R3. You all remember that the Decepticons were the bad guys, right? I mean, I loved Starscream as much as the next girl, but I’m not exactly about to ally myself with their cause. Starscream didn’t even do that.

This is not a car, it’s an opportunity. This Brat has a stuck motor and a clean body, and there’s only one thing to do when a Subaru is in better shape cosmetically than mechanically: STi swap it.

Can you imagine a pre-Baja XT? The classic looks, the retro feel, plus turbo power and boxer burble beneath the hood? You’d need to add a scoop, sure, but are you really going to tell me that would look bad? Get out of here.