When A Stealth Jet Gets Diarrhea Here's What It Leaves In The Toilet

Illustration for article titled When A Stealth Jet Gets Diarrhea Heres What It Leaves In The Toilet
Truck YeahThe trucks are good!

This offensive nest of metal plates is allegedly the latest Red Bull mobile party machine. They were going for “armored moon vehicle,” how are we feeling about that?

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Fired from the intergalactic command center where Red Bull press releases are written:

“Beach, bush, backyard stomp. Anywhere? With the heart and soul of a Land Rover and the body of a beast, the newest member of our fleet of event vehicles will make it happen. It looks the part too!”

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Illustration for article titled When A Stealth Jet Gets Diarrhea Heres What It Leaves In The Toilet

I’m told a long Land Rover Defender was sacrificed to birth this abomination, which really makes me feel bad. They’re not going to be making those much longer, we can’t just go wasting them!

I also feel bad dumping on somebody else’s art, especially since I’m sure the fabricators who made this are burly bros who could kick my ass. But man. This thing is over the line.

Illustration for article titled When A Stealth Jet Gets Diarrhea Heres What It Leaves In The Toilet
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The numerous and angular panels open up to reveal, obviously, a DJ booth for entertaining the taurine-addled partygoers who will be saying “WOO!” in close proximity to the van.

Illustration for article titled When A Stealth Jet Gets Diarrhea Heres What It Leaves In The Toilet
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I don’t really care for it. I’ll just have to go build my own battle van with blackjack and hookers.

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Images via Red Bull


Contact the author at andrew@jalopnik.com.

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DISCUSSION

Man, I feel like a lot of “too cool” folks give red bull a lot of shit for stuff like this, but red bull contributes a TON to motorsports and just sports in general. Sure, they have a lot of flat bill dude bros for fans, but there are series (and complete sports) that wouldn’t exist without red bull money.

I'm not saying the author is anti red bull based on disliking this one thing, but a lot of the comments are throwing a lot of shade on a company, along with monster who has the same demographic of fans, that probably keep sports they love alive. I loath plenty of the culture that goes along with motor/extreme sports, but man.... It's still awesome stuff that needs red bull to exist.