What's Your Stupidest Car Dream?

Illustration for article titled What's Your Stupidest Car Dream?
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For years, I’ve had this vague dream that, one day, I will own several very obnoxious cars. I don’t mean a loud-engined beast that will annoy my old neighbors or a Subaru painted bright green. I mean a car that’s so awful—so absolutely egregious—that it will be collectively hated by both car enthusiasts and the Average Joe alike. And I think I’ve finally come up with an answer.


The answer is something I like to call The Peachy Cruiser. You may see where I’m going with this one. I want an ol’ PT Cruiser. I want one with the wood paneling, but I want to paint the wood paneling orange. I want to paint the rest of the body pink. I want it to be a peach on wheels. I want this largely because it will make everyone mad, no matter who you are, and that’s the kind of response I truly wish to achieve with my vehicles.

I know what you’re thinking: what a stupid-ass dream to have. And you’d be absolutely correct. I don’t deny that the Peachy Cruiser is a wonderful, terrible, awful idea. It’s literally just me spending money with the sole intent of making people upset. And I think that’s just great.

But I know I’m not the only one who has a dream for a car that’s just really freakin’ dumb. That kind of machine you don’t want for practical purposes, or even aesthetic purposes, but just because it’s goofy as hell and it would make you smile every time you saw it in the parking lot, even if it was also kind of a pain in the ass. After all, not everything needs to be serious.

So, share your ideas with me (and also promise not to steal my Peachy Cruiser idea, please; I’ll promise not to steal yours). What’s your stupidest car dream?

Weekends at Jalopnik. Managing editor at A Girl's Guide to Cars. Lead IndyCar writer and assistant editor at Frontstretch. Novelist. Motorsport fanatic.


I am currently obsessing over buying a scooter. A honda ruckus.