What's The Best Car To Get Picked Up From The Bar In?

Illustration for article titled What's The Best Car To Get Picked Up From The Bar In?

It's Saint Patrick's Day and, if you're like us, you may be drinking. If so, you probably shouldn't drive. What's the best car to get picked up from the bar in?

Ray thinks the Honda Element is the best choice given the ability to spray down the back of the interior. Wes likes the idea of a truck with a pickup cap so you don't end up losing any drunk people. Ben, going in a different direction, likes a '88 Ford Festiva with no back seat because the horrible body control, cramped interior, buzzy engine and terrifying brakes serve to "amplify your intoxication."

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Personally, we think a DeLorean is an appropriately fun way to pick up a drunk in. It looks awesome and shines amongst the M6 convertibles and hired Town Cars. With its large, gullwing opening its easy to get inside if you're less-than-coordinated. Unfortunately, once you're inside one you can't exactly roll down the window to expel your drinks onto the ground. No worries, just drive with the doors in the open position.

(QOTD is your chance to answer the day's most pressing automotive questions and experience the opinions of the insightful insiders, practicing pundits and gleeful gearheads that make up the Jalopnik commentariat. If you've got a suggestion for a good "Question Of The Day" send an email to tips at jalopnik dot com.)

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DISCUSSION

graverobber
Rob Emslie

I like Wes' idea of an en-capped pickup truck because it reminds me of something that happened a few years back. There's a drive-thru In-N-Out in Pasadena that my friends and I have dubbed the "Death In-N-Out" due to a couple of unfortunate incidents that have occurred there.

One such incident happened on a Friday night. A bunch of people were at a party, getting lit, having fun, when they decided to make a run to In-N-Out for some tasty burgers.

They all piled into a pickup truck, some in the cab, some in the bed, and off they went. Once they got in the drive thru line, there was some sort of altercation between the party-goers and another group in the second line, which resulted in a lot of yelling and chest-puffing. Upon leaving, one dude stood up in the bed of the truck to yell obscenities at the rivals and to flash appropriate gestures of testosterone and alcohol.

Well, his timing was unfortunate because at that moment the driver of the pickup decided to punch it, making his own statement of the situation with a tire-squealing exit.

Needless to say, the guy in the bed flipped out of the truck, and landed on his head in the middle of Walnut boulevard. This left him with a gaping head wound (think SNL head wound harry) and unconscious.

His friends, also being drunk, picked him up and tossed their limp and bleeding compatriot back into the bed of the truck, and then headed back to the party, where they dumped him on the couch.

Once there, they enjoyed their double-doubles and some more beer while flippy lay on the sofa, his brain swelling and pushing the diastatic fracture out, eventually causing his death.

So, best thing is- bar, party, fast food drive-thru - make sure that at least somebody's sober enough to take you to the hospital when you inevitably do what drunk people do.

And stay out of the open beds of pickups.