What Would You Drive If You Were An Asshole?

Illustration for article titled What Would You Drive If You Were An Asshole?

I often find myself attracted to a certain car and then, on reflection, decide only an asshole could drive one. Pop your collar, put on some yachting shoes and answer: what would you drive if you were an asshole?


Oh, to be such a huge ass I'd be able to drive a Hummer H2. It's big, it looks tough, it's mostly pointless. The discerning driver picks up a Hummer H3 because of its off-road prowess and sturdy design. The driver who goes to 18+ clubs to meet legal high school girls drives an H2. It's a car that screams "I care about no one but myself." It says "I'm going to snag a vehicle that can transport five adults but always drive alone." It's made to look like a military vehicle, but is rarely driven by anyone selfless enough to serve. It is, in so many ways, the asshole's favorite transportation.

Don't agree? If you were the quintessential asshole what car would you slide your Ed Hardy-covered self into?

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Patrick George

There's a guy in my neighborhood who drives a matte-black M5 with a carbon-fiber hood, a carbon-fiber TRUNK (I didn't know those existed either), drug-dealer window tint, and quad-exhaust pipes.

So were I an asshole, I'd drive that. Or an automatic 350Z.