As you may have heard, Elon Musk became the richest person in the world yesterday, thank god. (Elon, if you’re reading this please unblock me on Twitter. I won’t reply to you, I just don’t want to have to switch to an alt account to read your tweets. Thank you for considering.)
We can assume he won’t use the money to make the world better, he’s been a billionaire for a while after all — though I’d love to be surprised. He probably won’t do what Jason tells him, even though Jason is a good guy and is trying to help. He’ll probably just continue to make the kinds of jokes and post the kinds of dumb-guy memes that get Facebook dads blocked by their teenage kids. Bazinga.
But, imagine it’s not Elon, but you, “Jalopnik reader” who has somehow amassed the world’s largest fortune. You could eat a lizard. Hell, you could probably eat a human if you wanted to. You could buy a car company, you could buy an election, install yourself as a dictator, buy and crush all the Ferrari 288 GTOs in the world. Maybe buy a huge boat — wait, you could raise your own private navy and terrorize all the other big boat rich guys. Really, you wouldn’t even have to convert all your theoretical wealth into actual wealth to do pretty much anything you wanted.
So, what would you do? Car collection? Big house? Private island? Private space program? Work to build a better world for everyone? A better world for maybe just a few people?
And yes, I know the obvious thing that the first thing any good Jalop would do would be to buy me an 8-liter Bentley, you don’t have to say it explicitly — but thank you, sincerely. I mean it. Thanks.