What Should Automakers Atone For This Year?

Illustration for article titled What Should Automakers Atone For This Year?

It's Yom Kipur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, which means we are once again giving automakers a chance to seek forgiveness for this year's wrongdoing. Let's help them: what should automakers atone for this year?

The first transgression to come to mind, of the many out there, is the killing of Pontiac. We're not talking about a minor Deuteronomical dietary rule or wearing cloth made of two different threads. We're talking the Decalogue. DO NOT MURDER. It's only three words, GM, you should be able to understand that. Like Abraham you carried Pontiac to the mountain and offered him as a sacrifice to the Carpocalypse, but this time there would be no last minute interference from God. So atone you must, for the Pontiac brand, the G8 GXP, the El Camino, and other vehicles that now will be no more.


This is merely the tip of the repentance iceberg. Help the automakers come to terms with their sins in order to allow them to once again be inscribed into the book of life.

(QOTD is your chance to answer the day's most pressing automotive questions and experience the opinions of the insightful insiders, practicing pundits and gleeful gearheads that make up the Jalopnik commentariat. If you've got a suggestion for a good "Question Of The Day" send an email to tips at jalopnik dot com.)

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That's pronounced Yalopnik.

Chrysler needs to atone for the Eagle. Not the Eagle brand, that was crap. Well, they need to atone for that, too. But to clear off the old AMC Eagle and leave the field wide open for anyone that wanted it, and sure enough, Subaru - Subaru! - came in and started eating our AWD lunch. For shame. And the Sebring, but maybe we should fling some chimpanzee exhaust at Daimler for their share in that shenanigan.

GM needs to bow down and rap its head many, many times upon the floor for the Hummer brand. A righteous ass-kicking military vehicle shouldn't be the basis for an entire brand of conspicuous consumption. Don't point at the Jeep, it's going to Moab. The Hummer is going to Wal-Mart, which is about as far off-road as the vast majority of them ever go.

Ford needs to atone for the S-Max. That's the dumbest name ever. And the Transit Connect. Bring me a eurovan I can use, not the overinflated matchbox car. C'mon guys, drop the other shoe.