It takes a certain kind of supreme inner peace to see a massive wedge tornado head straight towards your face, have no real escape, and only be able to mutter, “It’s coming right over the top of me. I don’t really know what to do, except, I guess, sit here.” Either supreme inner peace, or, you know, quaaludes.

Jerks out there on the Innernette will immediately decry this poor fellow for his use vertical video, but at least he made a valiant attempt to correct that before he expected to just die, however ill-begotten the result of that.

But the real amazing part here isn’t his terrible-yet-ambitious camera work, its the deadpan delivery of his play-by-play, leading us all down what must be the boring lecture of his own near-demise. “Ugh, m’gosh,” he laments in the same tone you get when you have to replace the printer toner, as the extinguishing of his very existence bears down upon him, and it presents a very mild inconvenience. “That’s crazy, crazy crazy,” he says, with the same attitude you give towards watching a friend’s old high school football tape. “I don’t really know what to do, except, I guess, site here. Maybe duck down,” he muses, like a dude thinking about taking a nice little nap, as the whirling vortex that symbolizes God and Nature’s Fury before him screams towards him.

Seriously, this guy is about to possibly get reamed by a tornado, and he’s narrating it like you would narrate a documentary about animal husbandry to your parents:

This a tornado, and I cannot tell which way it is going. So I don’t know how to get away from it. But it looks like it’s coming right towards me.

Uhhh... yeah, I’d say it’s going to come right over me.

Uhhh... let me see if I can back up here a little bit, and get under the bridge... yeah. It’s coming right over me.

Oh crap.

I have honestly never been in a tornado before. Totally crazy. It is coming right, right over the top of me.

It’s a little bit scary, and I don’t really know what to do except, I guess, sit here. Maybe duck down. Aughghhhh... mah’gosh. That’s crazy. Crazy crazy.

Ridiculous. Look, oh, that is, scary. The truck is, oh my gosh, holy smokes. Oh no. Yeah. That is completely crazy. The truck feels like it’s about to lift up off the ground. Not lyin’. Ohhh my gosh.

Wooooo. Look at that. I don’t know, I’m not getting out to look. I’ll look and see if there’s any truck damage later. It actually bent the mirrors backwards, both mirrors backwards.

Can’t tell if it’s coming back or not.

If, for whatever reason, you can’t watch the video, and this transcript is all you have to rely on, trust me on this one, dude just sounds outright bored.


Although the tornado never directly passed over this poor guy with the adrenal deficiency, and didn’t actually kill him, I would’ve died anyways. From drowning. In my own urine.

H/t to Autoblog!