Watch This Asswipe Completely Fail At Stealing A Porsche Cabriolet

London CCTV footage has been released by police showing a man attempting to steal a red Porsche convertible by cutting his way into the car with a knife through the soft-top roof. Whatever happened to smash-and-dash?

The man failed to start the car, so he just nonchalantly climbed back through the roof - even as others passed by - before doing a diving board spring jump off of the whale-tail spoiler and walking away. It must have been a manual.


According to International Business Times, there are correlating reports saying a man of a similar description to the one in the video above was also involved in the attempted theft a grey Porsche Cayenne, leaving the door lock damaged and the paint scratched in the same area of London.

Not only that, but a third incident was reported about a man of a similar description attempting to steal shoes, tracksuit pants, and a jacket while threatening the staff of the store with a small box knife. All three incidents occurred on the morning of September 29th in the same part of town.

The suspect has not yet been caught.

Look dude, save that shit for the video games. You’re not even good a being a criminal! Go sort your shit out, get a job, and maybe one day, one day, you’ll be lucky enough for someone to bring what looks to possibly be, as many of you pointed out, a super rare Porsche 930 Slantnose through the car wash your sorry ass is working at.

Contact the author at or @WestbrookTweets.



You’re not even good a being a criminal! Go sort your shit out, get a job

This is the best line I have read all day. Thank you.