Illustration for article titled Watch Idiotic Firefighters Do Just About Everything Wrong At A Car Fire
Truck YeahThe trucks are good!

It would appear that the fire department of Daran, Isfahan, Iran, has at least one operational fire apparatus, but not a single firefighter on staff who knows how to fucking run it without needlessly putting themselves in extreme danger.


I broke down some of the basic techniques firefighters learn regarding car fires when I went to my first auto-incendiary simulation.


But the jokers in this video couldn't have done worse if they'd slept through even the most basic car-fire briefing. Hell, they're not even being safe for someone who's had no fire training whatsoever.

Let's break the idiocy down from start to finish:

1. No scene security whatsoever... nobody even makes an attempt at directing/alerting traffic, but plenty of the "firemen" have time to run around like zoo animals. About thirty seconds in a damn gas-carrying semi-truck saunters by.


2. No protective gear... it looks like these dudes are wearing dress shirts.

3. Sittin', waitin', wishin'... The apparatus is parked, with dudes out of it, as the video opens. By the time they get suppressant on it, the entire cabin of the car is a raging fireball.


4. What the hell is this extinguisher technique? Dude starts spraying about a mile away, and proceeds to hopelessly blast what looks like a dry-chemical powder into the air. Then at the ground. Then at the wheel, which is not on fire.

4a. That type of powder is a viable extinguisher for a car fire... but it's a dumb choice here. By the time the guy wielding it gets the can (extinguisher) out, the fire's way too far along for even make a dent. Besides, that stuff's mighty expensive compared to the logical alternative... water... and based on this team's attire I'd guess whatever municipality they're working for is not fond of stretching the budget.


5. You better still be watching at two minutes in, because that's when somebody charges (turns on) the line (hose) with nobody on the nozzle. Because that's just not exciting enough, they went ahead and left the bail (trigger) open turning what's normally an instrument of lifesaving into a high-pressured uncontrollable death-wand.

6. They start taking selfies. That is what the guy in the white shirt's doing around 4:45, isn't it?


7. After a quick photoshoot, the fire truck breaks loose and starts running forward and back as though it's trying to play Whack-A-Mole with the crew on the ground. Just... why?

8. By the end all hell has broken loose... there are dudes playing in traffic, cars driving within feet of the fire, and "firemen" wandering like zombies.


Now that I've lampooned these individuals to my satisfaction, I offer some disclaimers: maybe the real firefighters in this town became incapacitated, and the guys in this video were randos who stepped up and took the rig to the scene. Maybe they're actors in an action-comedy where the Iranian equivalent of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker fight fires while exchanging "witty" repartee.

I'm sure you'll help me come up with some more excuses for these maniacs... but please, if you see your local fire department behaving like this, MOVE.

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